I think your mom looks like a breed of donkey and elephant, but her boobs are perfect
I just saw a license plate that said "Guidete" at college. This proves the world is officially ending in 2012
did i by any chance text you anything about feathers last night?
you mean faeutihaers?
I just gave some chick my debit card to put in the jukebox. She better put out.
he was so drunk I had to hold him up and he started crying when he heard an ambulance siren and said "is that for me?"
I'm officially "accidentally set myself on fire" drunk
I can see why you broke up with her now... it was like having sex with a corpse.
Even when you're not here I still manage to get pad thai in my vagina
I'm really not interested in hearing from him. Unless there is casual sex involved
I just want you to know that I am dancing around my apartment by myself singing Taylor Swift into a wine bottle. Do hurry.
All I remember is laying in that secret hideaway closet, naked, with a beer cowboy hat on and you walking in and sitting down crying because no one would have sex with you
Fuck him and his perfect arms, huge penis and relentless ability to ignore me.
I'm going to the store to get corona, salad, and blunt wraps...
I'll be an awkward "I've had the grooms penis in my mouth" presence and we can party our nipples off.
3 hour lecture of my biology teacher talking about isotopes and space shuttles. I'm way too high for this.
Randomize
