When I went to court, my judge's name was Honorable Ball. I couldn't stop laughing.
that probably didn't help your case.
Well for starters i'm drinking vodka out of a bell pepper.
It is virtually impossible to listen to single ladies and perform any seated task.
It's weekends like this that make it obvious why we have to pay to come to college.
And then she was like, "don't do anything. No blow jobs, don't let him stick his fingers in weird places because people have germs."
They left at like 4. I got up to help clean their house this morning and we found his pants. No ones heard from him, we're all a little scared.
I will cut you
Oddly enough thats the second time today someones said that to me
Put that in perspective
You ass. You're not the one who bought me flowers, so obviously you will not be the recipient of the blow job of gratitude.
The bar has bullet holes in the ceiling, and the country singer had been playing drunken weezer covers. A man just bought me a beer on the grounds that I 'have his back' in a fist fight with a stranger texan. And, yes, the bartender is wearing a sherif's badge
i just remember sliding through the snow and yelling i love america before puking on the oncoming cars
She told me to pick her up in the corner of shame and self-disgust.
If you're not my stylist, having sex with me, or agreeing to have sex with me don't fucking touch my hair.
I gave him a BJ in the shower
I just fell and it seemed like a good idea when I was down there
I'm very disappointed that your kitten almost ate my weed cake...
I just hooked up with the German exchange student who doesn't speak English. And you said I have no talent.
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