1. Call me if you need ANYTHING. 2. If you get tag teamed, I want details.
so i definitely just saw 2 cops high five each other as they were arresting underage drinkers in 5 points.
She told me that she faked her orgasm. Does she think I care??
New Jersey isn't a real state, it's just a myth you tell little kids to scare them like Canada or Carrot Top
everyone knows he gets back in a week and after that i'm not sleeping around anymore. it's like i have a expiration date.
Let's make jello shots for tomorrow
What's going on tomorrow?
Nothing, it's Wednesday
My 10 year old son gave me a bottle of jameson for fathers day. Did you have something to do with this?
I think it might be brain cancer. Hangovers can't be this bad
All I saw was a beagle come across the screen and explain the theory of relativity to me and leave
I may have tried to encourage people to play a new game I invented last night. I called it Super Quarters. Like regular quarters, only using an AA medallion.
This is the Taco Bell dump we've all been waiting for.
He thought you were kidding about me peeing on my ex...and then I was like "that was one time"
Lmfao a voicemail screaming about you partying with your tits out and a text at 3 am saying you went too crazy... this should be a good one
This is my life. Enjoy the view
I stopped him mid keg stand to show him how cute my bra was...
Randomize
