I'M GETTING MARRIED!
YOU'RE STILL MARRIED!
well. it's seven AM and i'm too high to hula hoop.
She touched you, you're now contaminated for 48 hours. Please watch out for rashes, hives and STDs as she's known to have all three.
four loko is apparently banned in the us. so i think its time for us to stock up. i already emailed them about buying them in bulk
When I sent you a text telling you to splash water on your face, you texted me back with 'Iwehre N qyull.'
... They left for 10 minutes and came back with a lobster he's in the toilet downstairs
TO ALL WHO WERE IN MY HOUSE LAST NIGHT: WHOEVER STOLE MY BONG AND PUT IT ON THE ROOF WILL BE PAYING MY HOSPITAL BILL FROM LAST NIGHT.. AND BUYING ME A NEW, SWEETER BONG.
When I said to shut up, I meant it. I'm sorry you have a bald spot now, but it was necessary.
Please root for the ravens. I now have oral sex riding on this and it's been sooooo long
I don't know but this 12 year old kid is soaking up all of our bad morals like a super tampon on the second day of my period
I just walked through the door and she ran up to me, hugged me, unzipped my pants and immediately started sucking my dick. Good day.
I'm not a whore anymore. I gave up 90% of my women for you. I'm a 4-5 woman kind of guy now.
Uber driver offered to have sex with me since I went home solo. - rock bottom
You know, normal sex stuff involves shitting your pants. If you do it right.
Sorry about you walking in on the whole nude kinect dancing. The new roomie was drunk and naked and told us he was either over dressed or we were under dressed for the party. And Amy figured it would be easier to join him than it would be to dress him
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