It has come to my attention that I should apologize for myself and my friends
i went to toss her salad and she had a toilet paper clinger on one of the hairs
I told her I had to go to work this morning, got fully dressed in a suit, walked her out, drove around the block, parked, and walked right back in my apt and went back to sleep..
I just hope this isn't happening Final Destination style
Travis Barker would totally be Devon Sawa in this scenario
you don't remember? you called me at 330 crying because you were in the middle of having sex with corey and forgot his name. all you kept saying was i'm a drunk bitch.
you gave the police officer your chanel wallet and said 'just keep it the i.d. is fake too'.
i cant text you anymore tonight, God gave me two hands for two cups
no i decided against it. savin my coke binge for finals week.
i wish it would rain vodka just once. i have not puked yet bring it on
Its okay that he doesn't remember you, he only remembers girls by their boobs and I think you were wearing a jacket
Dude fuck drugs. It's 4am and I'm eating mushroom ravioli fantasizing about jumping on a trampoline
I told my manager I was trying to conserve my energy for date night/Sexual Olympics later. That's legit for another break, right?
Named all the presidents in order between puke sessions while semi conscious so that's a thing I can do now
If so I'm coming over there. There's no way I'm having "hello, how are you" conversations with my neighbors on acid
Wait what do you mean I BOUGHT A FUCKING HORSE LAST NIGHT?!?!
Randomize
