I need to start cutting my cocaine with Plan B
Does my status still say I suck cocks? I don't know how to change it
facebook friend requested him the morning after while he was still asleep in my bed, a whole new level of creeper even for me
at the hospital. the stripper fell on his face when she was trying to grab the dollar bill out of his mouth with her ass. broken nose for sure.
I will not fill you in on the details until we get back, so do not ask. I got peed on by the girl I was hooking up with last night.
She just cut the six pack plastic up and screamed "save the dolphins"..she also threw away cans of tuna. I like this girl.
Dude. All those hangovers I never had came back with a vengeance. I just opened the door of this car to barf. The car was not motionless. We are on the autobahn.
My mom just looked at me while watching the fireworks and asked if it reminded me of how I felt after sex. I'm so uncomfortable.
it is a dangerous dangerous place where morals and dignity go to die and all your fantasies about men become reality.
It's called hot rabbit the party if he asks the password is "careful" don't ask
I asked him to explain what he meant by "hooking up" in paragraph form
she asked me to come back to her house where "hopefully her kids were asleep". that my friend is what i call a dealbreaker
I am naked, and drinking straight gin with a flat tonic chaser. I had such greater hopes for myself as a child.
yea...tonic water is fucking gross.
It's a sad day when ur phone automatically updates u on Thursdays that traffic is normal and how long it will take to get to the bar
That's fucking great actually
Note to self: I can rip apart her vagina and she'll still cuddle with me, but if I steal her Chapstick she'll murder me !?
Randomize
