omg he said he wants to insert his penis into my vagnia what do i say
tell him to stop quoting family guy
i just saw a guy carrying a medieval times commemerative glass filled with vomit.. there were 2 people cheering him from behind
He cummed in my mouth, then said he had to go because his best friend broke his foot falling off of a balcony, put twenty dollars in my hand and was gone before I could even swallow...
I will return your cat, I saw a mouse in my apt last night and your door was unlocked, it seemed really practical
It's 8 am and he's already trying to get me to make out with a girl.
You know what sound is wonderful for a hangover? Listening to the horns from the South Africans at the world cup
i licked the inside of a toilet bowl for $14. i really can't talk about my night.
I knew he was a nice guy, because when we switched positions he flipped the mattress so I wouldn't have to lay in a pool of his sweat.
I tried doing a handstand in the middle of the bar and I ended up kicking this old guy in the face and broke his glasses. Thats how I got kicked out
I just want to do a slip-and-slide into a giant pool of jello shots right now.
Mom brought home a 36 pack of Smirnoff and was all "ring any bells?" and then winked. I'm scared. What does she know?
I just look @ having a child spit on you as another form of birth control. I think my ovaries just tied themselves in a knot.
I owe you an apology, I was appointed captain of this sexy fuckship and I fell asleep at the helm.
I immediately woke up from my nap, made myself a screwdriver and got in the shower. I know it's spring break but I'm still questioning my life choices.
i have pictures frm only 4 hours ago that will fucking ruin you so i suggest yuo come get me.
Where are you?
dunno. ask mike. bring pain killers. and underwear. and my dignity.
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