erin looks like she hung out with the sham wow guy last night. she's got the beat up hooker look goin' on
I just dry heaved the smell of jagerbombs....which proceeded to make me hurl for real.
i can't believe you bought a jetta. you know that's a girl car, right? if i hadn't had sex with you, i'd have no other proof you're straight.
I buy you gas. You blow me. Economics.
He asked me if we could throw a lingerie party together so I guess he's single again
Im done having sex . he ruined it for me after he said " can we use my penis as a shovel ?"
Ahahhahaha I'm not that stupid but then again I thought cabo was in Africa until yesterday
So ahh..."Multicultural Night" turned into "Fuck the Neighbor Night"
If there's so much of a hint of a whisper from somebody I didn't tell personally, I will cut off your balls with a chainsaw, cauterize the wound with a flaming rusty spoon, feed your balls to your dog, and feed them to you when he shits them out, capiche?
I just rolled over in bed and felt a bump. Turns out it was a lil nug. Talk about being princess and the weed.
I didn't punch him it was just love coming out of my fist
But I'll just tell people it was a bar fight... Sounds a lot better than "well I was drunk and alone and eating Special K naked in my bed"
You have amazing self restraint. If there was one thing I could learn from you, that wouldn't be it. I love my life as it is.
I just drank beer out of an old Vicodin bottle hoping to catch some residue. That's how finals week is going
Moms love me. I'm the reminder that they need to turn safe search on.
Randomize
