Get your hand out of your ass!
how did you know my hand was in my ass? Guess where my other hand is..?
In your belly button
i was focused on more important things... like standing, and not spilling my beer
We hadn't had sex in so long that I started queefing and then I couldn't stop giggling... I think he's mad.
I apparently texted him "since you're taking time out to think about us. You probably need to think about me getting arrested right now."
I can't wait for paintbang. I'm going to throw a marker at a child. There will be bail money in my backpack in m trunk. Don't use it on beer.
i dont trust my judgment anymore so im only going to fuck guys who can donate blood at the red cross. they have standards.
I lull them into a false sense of security with my gayness. Then when they're vulnerable, I strike, like a snake. A big non-gay snake, with huge balls.
I woke up in a hospital at three in the morning only to realize my pee is now going to be orange. I've grown to realize I've made all the right decisions
I can't find the remote or the Doritos. Someone call 911. S.O.S. I sent this in Braille.
He fingered me in a Waffle House bathroom and then stole a traffic cone. Is this love that I'm feeling?
Me: 10% human, 90% poor drunken life choices.
These past few weeks have been a lesson on why you don't put your penis inside girls who live in your building.
If I die at work, I want you to have my mustache collection
I cut him off because he was changing my thermostat every time he came over
You made the right decision
test was negative. but nancy drew has yet to solve the case of the missing period.
Randomize
