That fat broad you banged out last night is still here and I can hear her snoring through the living room wall. I would leave, but I don't want to come home to an empty fridge.
i just saw an asian skipping down the street and it made me think of you
Every night before bed, when I used to say prayers, now I just think to myself 'freshman sluts. Soon'
I pretty much gave up on you when you told me you couldn't go home yet b/c you had to stop at church first. It was 2 AM and you insisted you were late for mass.
How are you going to be there by 9am?
Relax I always go to these conferences hung over
You say that like it's a positive quality
His beard is glorious and he smells like barbecue. Introduce me to him.
Not only was there cake on the wall but someone shoved cake and meat in a cup and put it in the fridge.
Dude if our hands were ladels we could work at a soup kitchen
That would be so convenient
Also, sex on a first date is no, right? Really, I just don't want to clean my apartment, but I'm trying to hide behind "morals" in an effort to appear less lazy.
Super stoned right now. And I stared at my exit, thought to myself "hey self. That is your exit" and I kept driving right past it.
Got head at the top of a water slide over-looking the valley while wearing a sombrero and drinking a corona. Epic.
I think I might get 604 tattooed on my ass tonight...
All's fair in love and war. and tinder.
He spilled some of his beer on your shoulder then proceeded to lick it off. By the face you made, I don't know if you were completely horrified or really turned on.
I know I may be showing my age by saying this but this is the first time I have been eaten out in the parking lot behind the Clairmont Inn since 1990
Randomize
