Just saw a car with license plate GYPSYS that was full of gypsies
Drank beer out of a hotwheels bucket all night
I saw a chick at 8 am this morning walking back to my dorm wearing wings... I'm kind of jealous.
i just used burnetts to get spraypaint off the floor of my dorm lobby
He came and then made the Jim Halpert face. does that say disappointment or what
I can die happy now, I have been kicked out of strip clubs on six different continents
I just woke up to three voicemails from you. In the first one you just straight laughed for 3 minutes. In the second you did bird calls. In the third you were hysterically crying. Have fun last night?
I think I'm still drunk and I think you were in my dream (sadly, it was not a sexual bill murray one).
I missed rounds this morning...my senior resident hooked me up to and IV and made me stay in the clinic because he said I didn't look presentable enough to walk around the hospital
You said you brought chipotle into a movie and I asked you to marry me and you said yes
Ran out of deodorant. Febreze on a paper towel? Kicking college's ass.
How did I pull off convincing everyone that my name is Dad? Maybe they were just distracted by my boobs.
I tipped him really well because I feel he knew we were high, but did it in a non judgemental way.
he force fed me pizza, ripped my clothes off, almost broke the couch, and actually broke my nose. it was a good night, i'd say 😂
I just saw your brother in some random persons yard climbing a tree. Just saying.
Probably on drugs.
Randomize
