you guys were way drunker than both of me
My parking ticket this morning was 30bucks. I feel like I'm paying the city to fuck you.
soo I had sex last night and he wore a condom, pulled out sans condom. we looked everywhere and couldnt find it, even in my vag. so Im in the library at school and I googled it and it gave me "gentle digging" techniques, and sure enough, found it. ew. I'll be purchasing Plan B after class.
I just made a friends list on fb of all the guys ive hooked up with. genius.
Ate lunch. Still drunk. Keep forgetting I'm in Texas but then I look around at the people and remember.
She was about to go down when you guys iced me. Thanks bro
He showed up drunk to my cousions HS grad party, we stayed at the bars till 2, then he got up at 5 to run a half marathon and by the time I woke up wlhe was already back and drinking.
You're in a tuxedo, you can pee wherever you want.
Do you know how I hurt my ankle or my shoulder? Or the origin of any of the following mystery bruises: left quad, left wrist, right elbow. Thanks for playing.
I just referred to our excessive fireball consumption as a team building exercise and everyone in group text agreed.
We're not alcoholics, we're a god damn team.
You know how I know last night was a good night? Because I remember high fiving a couple WHILE they were having sex.
I say this out of love and friendship. Eat ice cream not the d.
Cats are difficult to handle. Also they are impossible to baptize.
I knew I wanted to marry her when we got in that bar fight and she full-nelsoned a guy while I worked his kidneys. I knew then we had to breed
Can you face time me. I need to know if this pill is xanex or ecstasy
Randomize
