woke up this morning wit a massive hangover. walked to my truck and found at least 35 for sale signs, a stop sign, and a julie kim sign...need answers
yea, you decided to become a real estate agent last night on the way home from the party. You started bitchin about how Julie Kim was stealing all your buisness....
Just bored and untired. I want to be in Austin. At college. Drinking someone elses alcohol. Am I asking too much of life?
I've drank myself into a smaller pants size. Who ever said alcoholism was unhealthy was mistaken.
New Years Resolution for 2011 : QUALITY cock. Not quantity.
She just opened a six pack of corona with her car door ... I had no idea she was such a skilled drunk
Taking shots with an iv of fluids in, because I work tomorrow. That's responsibility. Employee of the month right here.
Where the hell is he. I called him crying for weed and sex you would think that would signal some urgency.
No. I'm laying on the floor naked. I almost made it to the shower
This could be the definition of living by yourself
New guy at the liquor store was inexplicably fascinated by our huge jug of williams. First he said what are you gonna mix THAT with? and looked confused when I said air.
YOU DONT EAT A GIRL OUT AND THEN GO PUKE ASSHOLE
I'm too over dressed and drunk for this emergency vets office
I got my gum stuck on his balls.
You ghosted you're own booty call. Wow what a sad sad man.
He totally fucked me in his Chewbacca socks
It's starting to get sad how I have this 'new beginning' feeling after every negative pregnancy test
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