Do you reaalllllly want to put "porn editor" on your resume?
I was so hungover I threw up on her when she answered the door. i don't think it was a good first impression
One of my other friends found me and the dog in the back seat of this one guy's car....I don't even know
No worries you cant actually turn into a wine snob if you brew it in your closet....
If you feel like laying around and watching a movie, that's where I'll be for the next several hours not moving, blaming others, and generally feeling sorry for myself.
I remember just enough about last night to wish I didn't remember anything.
Don't worry I'm alive. The apt is all locked up so I'm sleeping on the patio. The frozen pizza I got might be toast unless someone lets me in soon. If not its all good I'll be here snoring on the patio
What is their policy on bow ties and belligerence?
Can we both just take a day off just to have sex? Is that acceptable as an adult?
All I got was pictures of my boss and dicks. So, that was the end of snapchat.
I'm gonna tell the medical examiner that your cause of death was over-arousal.
My ex husband is now my side piece. #thisis30
He told me to keep watching the Grammys and then went down on me.. I think I'm in love.
When the bouncer doesn't let you in... Don't ask him where he works so you could file a complaint with the better business bureau... It only proves him right.
It's 5 PM...and you're 35. Congrats on being an amazing human being.
Jack and I got in a huge fight at 6am. He fell asleep when I was giving him head so I freaked. We were both black out so I made a memo in my phone reminding me
Randomize
