if i die, you can have my worn out liver and american apparel deep v's.sell the liver to a chinese restaurant
WHY CAN'T YOU EVER SHIT LIKE A NORMAL PERSON, JESSE.
so Mike and I made a deal. we'd do anal if he would help me pick out carpet tomorrow.
What...you let him do that?
It wasnt that bad. the two minutes it took is nothing compared to the 10 hr day I have planned for him tomorrow
Dude, I found out the hard way that she wipes back to front. I ate her out and had to throw up.
Since she's grinding up on your thigh right now, I'm sending you this text hoping it makes your phone vibrate in her vagina
I made a game called come to class high and eat nachos.
Idk. I woke up marinating in beer on my beanbag. Idk what you mightve done.
Just found my bra in a bag of chips on the kayak floating about the pond. Sure sign of a good night
i looked at my phone and realized all i had said to her the entire night was misspelled variations of "NOTHING IS THE SAME" over and over. she eventually stopped replying.
My neighbor caught me peeing on his rose bushes at 2 in the morning while wearing my Santa hat. My sex appeal has never been higher.
once again, we need to groom him to be a better human being. using liquor and tits.
Please explain why there is a video of you peeing in the Taco Bell bathroom on my phone? Also why did you wink at the end?
I stole all of the toasting champagne and did an interpretive dance to "wind beneath my wings". I am literally everything you're not supposed to do at weddings.
But your showmanship is impeccable.
Give me an out of order sign and caution tape and we can have sex practically anywhere.
I think I'm actually too depressed to do drugs, wow.
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