I can only date guys with blackberrys
I just decided its a new prereq to talk to me
then she made me sanitize my hands before fingering her...i may have found my soulmate
My niece just unknowingly cock blocked me. Obviously, someone won't be getting a christmas present this year.
he asked me for a gerbil feeder full of alcohol
I drink way too much to have a type. Last weekend I picked up a guy who calls me "baby girl"
I think I just ate eggs off of a plate covered in cocaine.
I really care about you, but im still gonna have to make you pay for dinner from the pain and suffering in my knees and vagina.
Come to the roof. We are drinking breakfast.
Like we were literally doing coke off his insulin pump
all I'm saying is that my epic blow jobs have made grown professional football players cry in ecstasy
at first i said "no rollerblading if I'm going to be drunk," but we all know how that went
I just want to have sex that doesn't end like a B-rated horror movie.
Tinder date just called. I was supposed to be there 30 minutes ago but I'm on a 27 game win streak in Park...?
Fuck that man! Tell her your dog died or something. Reschedule that shit, you can't stop 2K at a time like that. Ball is life bro... Priorities.
My liver is screaming fuck you right now.
The night's not a success unless at least 60% of participants wake up with bite marks on their genitals the next morning.
I don't know what kind of parties you go to, but we should hang out more often.
Randomize
