'fingered' and 'feelings' NEVER belong in the same sentence.
i wish peter jackson would direct porn
This girl can open a bottle without using her hands and she's 21. She meets my standards
The cop was more concerned with the fact I had cowboy boots on with shorts than the fact we were under age
I texted him that I wanted to be more than fuck buddies so when I came over he gave me a punch card. He takes me I dinner every 10 fucks.
If I had that in my pants Omg I would want a shirt made so everyone knew
Watching videos from last night and u go "I should be the president, I can get whatever I want w my tits"
New rule: I am no longer allowed to speak
HE'S BRINGING FRIED MAC AND CHEESE BITES. I GET FRIED MAC AND CHEESE AND SEX PEOPLE. BEST WEDNESDAY EVER.
It's 4/20 of course I'm going to smoke in the portapotty and be ripped outta my mind at the lung cancer walk.
You know I love you. I just don't love your penis.
My 12 o'clock class is an all star team of my ex's hook ups
I thought my broken hand would put a damper on Halloween, but fake costume eyelashes and hydrocodone are kinda fun at the same time.
It's the first weekend of the school year and I'm already selling stuff for booze. Need a microwave?
i think the people from taco bell are onto us. they had my order ready today at 3am BEFORE I even got there.
I just puked into a clean basket of laundry.
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