Im mastering the way to pass gas silently.
all the douches that like ed hardy are the same douches that were obsessed with lisa frank
tailgaiting my last final, a perfect sendoff.
i'm pretty sure i'm on the same train we took last friday..
what?how do you know?
it appears they have not cleaned up your vomit yet.
remind me again why lemons and alcohol in the crock pot is a bad idea?
Nobody is stopping the marines from drinking in class on veterans day. They literally brought a cooler with a bottle of whiskey and vodka on ice. And are passing out red cups to anyone interested. Staying in Vegas for college has officialy become an A+ decision
How external is "for external use only"?
They were scared I was going to get lost last night so they dressed me up as Waldo so someone would always find me.
I'm eating captain crunch out of a cup half full of beer so idk
I just woke up naked next to a GetGo sandwich and I can hear my cats are eating my combos. So that's my life.
Our prom king just sent me a dick pic. I know it's 10 years later but I feel like I've finally made it.
Going to give your dick a friendship bracelet.
You literally asked him, “Do you come here often? Do you want to visit my vagina?” With no hesitation
I TAUGHT HER CAT TO SIT. CATS DON'T FUCKING SIT ON COMMAND. BUT THIS ONE DID!
It's basically my crowning achievement.
Sometimes I get confused on who I really actually know and who's lives I just know everything about via internet. Its a fine line
Randomize
