You know its bad when you can over hear the planned parenthood nurses talking shit behind your back... they've seen everything
If your dick isn't up when i get home you're catching tonight.
Its midnight, he's burning water on the stove and keeps yelling at me and telling me not to burn myself.
The cop refused to sing with us, even though he was as happy as we were that the tow truck finally showed up.
on the way to the hospital you kept asking if we could stop at the bar first. then you proceeded to puke out the window
We simultaneously blacked out then simultaneously came to then simultaneously had sex with the neighbors. We're definitely meant to be roommates.
I'm just gonna clean the house so my Mom won't think I'm hung over. I'll just start with the toilet
Needless to say, she forgave him, they're back together, and I'm seriously considering having a lesbian year.
I almost don't wanna have sex with her because I'm afraid she'll steal my hat
I think I passed out drunk at my own jewelry party
I just want you to make me second guess my worth as a human. Is that too much to ask?
you were walking down the sidewalk and just puked. didnt even stop or slow down and just kept going. i was so impressed i didnt even tell anyone you threw up on passing peoples shoes.
While she was pissing on the neighbors shrubs, they threatened to call the cops...she mumbled 'don't threaten me with a good time", so to answer your question, yes she was drunk.
I THINK HE DOES. OMG!!!!! OMG I FUCKED A GUY W A FAKE LEG AND I DIDN'T EVEN KNOW!!!!!!????!!!!!!!!!
At least they took the pillow of my bed before they had sex. My friends are so polite.
Randomize