Who knew there were guys that wanted to only stalk you instead of date you? Count on me to find them!
When he was fingering me, it felt/looked like he was digging around for pocket change.
i can't find my house
we droppd you off right in front! i even walked you to the steps less then 3 mins ago.
i'm pretty sure my house moved.
I want a grilled cheese and an IV
How much is that going to cost?
A lot of beer.
also found a pic of my head in the microwave from the other night.. hmm
I don't even know man. I was to busy having beer showered on me and grabbing some balls
I'm drunk in a place called Lick-A-Chick. PS. It's not a lesbian hot spot, they sell chicken.
I can't tell if you're talking about my pussy or Cape Cod.
Please don't throw the wedding bouquet at me
You know you've found a good drug dealer when he's willing to overnight mail to you in another state...
It's the Ides of March, motherfucker. That means we're supposed to daydrink, right?
My chance to home wreck was right in front of me and I didn’t grab it by the balls
I'll seduce him with my charm, after all, I am a graceful swan.
More like a demented cow.
I saw some guy masturbating in the Burger King parking lot and I’m just fucking done
Randomize
