just saw Chris Hanson on the street. looked immediately around for video cameras. why is that my immediate reaction?
I just put my retainer in and it tastes like weed
bailing my boss out of jail is a great way to spend memorial day
Apparently I promised a worker at La Siesta free English lessons to make up for vomming all over the little Mariachi band.
Apparently someone switched my cash for monopoly money after midnight so I couldn't get any more drinks at the bar
So I'm seriously debating forwarding these sexts to his horse faced new gf including the ones that say he still loves me... but I still need his check to clear... decisions decisions
Someone tried to flush pizza down the toilet. Well, at least tried to
No. I want him to marry me so we can spend our lives together. I also want a to-scale model of his genitals to mount above my fireplace
If you do wifi you would be helping my penis out & real friends care about their friends penises...
So fucking hammered. Is this all spelled right? I'm holding it up to my eye. I am on a boulder. I feel like an owl
I texted him 3 days ago he said he was pre gaming for the Super Bowl today he just text" gtomajg kaka hee 48!!!"
Dude. Photoshop a Santa hat on your mug shot and send it as your Christmas cards.
I've never SEEN someone give negative fucks before. It's actually rather impressive. I want to study under them.
So random question: what's a good way to tell your brother that his Skype sex kept you awake last night? I'm not really sure how that conversation begins.
That man makes my giblets tingle
Congrats? I think?
Randomize
