My astrological sign? Vagitarius.
Just found out for my occult lit class (history of cults) final project is making a spellbook. Hello last term of college.
How was the bike ride?
Nope. High in the basement. Fruit cups.
He tricked me into going on a double date with him, I don't like that he's not using me for just sex anymore
This year i'm grateful for nothing other than the discovery that the uncircumcized rumors about him were wrong
She told me a motorboat isn't successful unless they come out gasping for air. MISSION ACCOMPLISHED!!!
He tried to reenact Braveheart's freedom scream but got tackled by his drunk roommate who thought he was yelling that the handle he was holding up was free.
I swear, the cow we tried to tip tried to eat me. and all I could think was, oh how the tables have turned. worst trip ever
So here's a brief summary of my weekend: last night I drank four glasses of Death Punch, grabbed the toaster, said "This is mine", put it in my pants and walked out the front door.
Before he left he told me if his girlfriend ever finds out, she'll take us both to an alley and kill us.
I still have a little drunk in my system
I've never wanted anyone to have herpes as I much as I want him to right now.
There is a man in my bed with "new zealand" tattooed on his back. Wtf happened last night?
I drove them away with my sparkling personality and LOTR references.
I miss you and I miss your weed. Come home.
Randomize
