i nerd-gasmd. plain and simple.
how the hell did u puke all over the magazines... do u still want me to keep them
my mom told me that she didn't count me in the census because im a waste of life anyway.
the australian girl literally just drank an entire pitcher of beer in about twenty seconds. i want to go to there.
There is tupperware vodka. thats right tupperwares full of vodka. best leftovers ever
My roommate says its rare that you can be tear gassed before you lose your virginity so i feel accomplished in life
I'm like a walking PSA for tequila shots
I DON'T WANT TO DEMONSTRATE MY DICK TAKING ABILITIES WITH MY MOM THERE.
....I feel like you are deciding whether or not I'm good enough for you based on what I ordered from Chipotle.
You tried to bite my nipple like 3 times
NAh son
Just general bites
I think the worst was the guy who sent me YouTube videos about how age doesn't matter, and then a link for natural breast enhancements. Kill me.
You humped everything and cried in an uber.
YOU SLEPT WITH A GUY WHO HAS A BILLBOARD IN HIS HONOR?
Woah don't start going all boyfriend on me now, you're here for one thing and one thing only and that's sex, hot shameless sex.
I've never had to say don't judge me for chip clips in the shower before
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