I just want to hang out with her.
You're a liar. Why do I have to give you reasons you can't have sex with my mom? I hate you.
Needless to say Beer Gardens severly frowns upon playing flip cups with real glasses.
I left two shots of jager for you guys when you wake up from your death. Do with it as you wish
I'm just gonna plan on never getting a bf. everything I touch turns to gay
For future reference "I'm too drunk to come today" is an acceptable line to get out of work. I love my job
Wake up. We're going shopping for booze and samurai swords.
All I want to do on Facebook today is comment on people I knew in high schools profile pictures and tell them how much uglier they are now.
Holy high batman
The hairdryer was like a fuckin obstacle course
she genuinely believed that kangaroos are a cross between a deer and a T-rex
Somewhere in this city is a lost rubber penis that needs to find its way back home
Take the weirdness of Japan and add the insanity of Florida and that's Jimmy
I told him I wanted to fuck him and he hasn't texted me back in 4 days...am I missing something
My brother is so high right now he's eating frozen peas and called them "fucking delightful"
Speaking of dignity, who all saw me....
They have a shelf full of jello shots, what have i gotten myself into
Randomize
