he keeps dipping things in ranch and feeding them to me
He called me an ungrateful bitch because I lauged when he asked me "how do you me and a bed sound?"
Like I should be grateful for the 5 minutes I sit on top of him and stare at the wall.
fuck he's narrating my life in a british voice make him stop im way too fucking high for this
how are you not completely traumatized after 8 years of friendship with me?
i'm trying to figure out what goes best with beef ramen. a 2007 merlot or a 2008 pinot noir? i'm leaning toward the pinot noir.
they night at the roxbarryed us. came out of nowhere,bought us shots, and then the big one licked my hand? we got out of that noise.
I'm buying drugs in the library...And it's not even finals time. What has my life become?
When I was with you my penis felt like a fat woman crammed into a pair of lulu lemons
Also when they left they could only find one sock between the two of them. Apparently we're like crazy sock ripping vixens when we bring guys home drunk
You left for an hour, then walked up to us at the bar, pulled 80 dollars out of your bra and yelled " drinks are on him".
just found a someones bra in what seems to be a mix of pickle juice and vodka in my fridge. Who was over here lately?
I found pix on her phone of me passed out and her sticking things up my ass. Its over.
Ultimate cock block. About to have sex and your mom calls you so you can go help your grandmother figure out how to vote for the voice on her iPad
You kissed my hand and then put a Taco in it. Why WOUDNT I leave my husband?
I don't know what the hell I'm going to do with myself when this is all over. I'll probably just go back to smoking pot and trying to learn italian.
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