all I know is if I don't watch spice world right now there will be a firefight.
You drink too much
No, I drink just the right amount - too often.
It was kinda bitchy last night when i brought up my pregnancy scare and you said "shotty playing with it"
just chased whiskey with a pickle. i definitely recommend it
Ah that type of Dick. I think my phones trying to make me less of a whore by capitalizing Dick. That way it looks like I'm talking about a dude not penis
Dude, she's just using you for your money, and Cavs tickets.
Honestly, what else do I have going for me?
You make a valid point.
you finished all 5 burgers, started crying tears of joy, and then claimed the tears were actually just 'meat sweats' from your eyes
Plus you know he's just 2 semesters and 4 glasses of wine away from "experimenting" with some French major
knew it was a bad idea. the look she gave me when i left her roommates bedroom in the morning really illustrated that.
I found your bra. How you get it off the satellite dish is your problem.
Carrying your RA back to her room wasn't the conclusion I was expecting for the first thursday back
No padding. I spent my whole summer with my nips out. October don't need that too.
"Where are you? Where are my keys? What is this guys name again? Why am I wearing two pairs of your pants?"
After last night, I think I need a service animal to monitor the life choices I make when I'm inebriated. A monkey, or a clever dog. Or a really assertive parrot.
National tequila day this year falls on a Monday. I've never been more disappointed in my life.
Randomize
