went in for an STD check and they referred me to an alcohol and drug councilor. kick me when i'm down.
so let's talk penis.
this is the 21st century. you drunk fuck him and then go on a date.
Of course he got arrested. He was wearing a toga. Even Tom Hanks couldn't act sober in a toga.
no dont talk to me..because of you my bar tab was more expensive than my hospital bill
My bosses just told me they met their wives on one night stands. I'm stoked.
It was like some kind of slut recycling operation. She gave me the shirt of the last guy she slept with in exchabge for mine so I didn't have to wear the same thing to work. She's been doing it for years
That's all? I'm a pro at gay chicken. I'll touch his dick, I have no problem with that.
i'd say i'm about at weeping-uncontrollably-in-a-puddle-of-my-own-tears-and-urine level
And with one simple text you can separate the men from the boys...."it's that time of the month."
I got a lap dance last night from a girl while I was wearing a Captian America onsie. My life does not suck.
I apparently ooze single. The second I left his house after break up sex five of my old booty calls text me
Well, for starters, you were growling and slurping beer from a puddle on the carpet. Let's all hope that was beer...
Baby Shark came on during sex.
She has BABY SHARK on her sex playlist. Who does that?
I mean, who hasn’t been fingered in there back of an Uber?
Randomize
