dude i just heard a girl tell another girl 'what part of im trying to get laid tonight dont u understand?'
needless to say i wont be back home tonight
youre totally missing out on eating your boogers right now. my entire face is numb
Two words Indian burn...
What did she think it was, a shake weight?
What's a "vodkaffle"?
It's where she puts vodka in the waffle mix.
I'm drinking red wine & feeding anchovies to the dog. I'm really not picky about what kinda of company I'm in.
when im done with her im going to need you to carry me on your shoulders as i poses victoriously for all those who were within earshot
She's calming us down by shoving oreos in our mouths
I have chafed skin from the handy she gave me. I told her that and she said return the favor when it heals. I'm in love.
By the way, do you realize that you asked me how much you could get for your eggs last night. And once you learned the price said that you had plenty to share.
I love 4am trips to the ER. I feel so responsible for actually making it all the way here.
My one night stand said I love you, opened my fridge, stole my cream cheese and left.
Kinda hard to look your partner in the face the day after a rousing game of How Many Ways Can I Capture Your Penis.
I just wish the first erections of my life didn't take place at a dentists office but hey whatever I turned out alright
I was so drunk, he put me to bed and went down stairs to hang out with his friends. Apparently, I was curled up in the closet, spooning the dresser when he came back up.
You make me want to do things that I'm pretty sure are illegal.
Randomize
