True love is taking a shit with the one you love in the bathroom with you.
in the middle of sex he stopped to tell me that he loved me... then slapped my ass and told me "back to business"... im gonna marry him
When he took off his pants i accidently shouted "that is one small wiener," and thats when he left
you'd think someone with a dick that small would take what he could get
About me waking up with a tatto of a hamster with a top hat ?
hey.....beach week happens
another holiday season passes without receiving a dick in a box, where did i go wrong in life?
wrestling a boy for fruit? sounds suspiciously like foreplay...
so when he he finally wandered back into the room it was with a pound of cream cheese which he ate in 5 minutes flat and then passed out
This girl is wasted dancing to The Final Countdown. She's grinding on a guy who came to the bar in a track jacket and a wife beater
well I've taken an Uber to my weed dealers twice in the past 2 weeks so it's going well since I sold my car
Just saw my ex AGAIN. The constellation of gays must be at some sort of weird point with Mercury.
HE BEAT A GUY WITH NOTHING BUT RAZZLE DAZZLE AND HIS FABULOUSNESS
I'm a dude in a dress, who came to a party with Holly GoLightly, got hit on by Bambi's mom, and wants to do terrible things to Link. Halloween is weird
It's gonna be me and some oreos tonight. Basically like sex
Never let your siblings swipe right.
I just want a guy who makes lots of money, has a skilled penis and the sex drive of a 22 year on Viagra. Is that too much to ask?
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