I haven't gotten laid in forever. I'm obsessed. I imagine I this is how Ethopians feel about food.
My Yahoo Answers account was suspended. Apparently I answered "I like chicks who do anal" to over 100 questions last night.
i wanna have a kid now so by the time he's 20 ill only be 42 and assuming im already divorced we can pick up girls together
She touched you, you're now contaminated for 48 hours. Please watch out for rashes, hives and STDs as she's known to have all three.
Showering in the handicapped shower. Im THAT hungover.
I've never seen a kid turn down a sure thing for a possible handy by a freshmen. You need to re-evaluate.
Hey. Hope youre not too hungover. Also, did you put a Christmas tree in my guest bathroom and cover it with condoms?
So, I was thinking... Since this restraining order doesn't go into affect until monday, that leaves us 5 days to wreck his world.
I shouldn't be home alone with this much peanut butter and the dog. I feel like i'm being recorded to see when my desperation will peak.
I just opened my filing cabinet at work for the first time in months. It looks just like my pantry: nothing but peanut butter and whiskey.
We made a bet that we had to talk like Yoda all night at the bars
I like how zombie Abe Lincoln and hooking up with a girl were on your same thought process.
Well after we were arrested you just kept chanting "Like a good neighbor state farm is there"
jesus, I think that canada gold metal game has completely changed all rules of acceptable drinking habits, I was fucked untill noon and I just got invited to go party when I get off work...at 600am...and NO ONE understood why i was hesitant
Do you lock your house? Serious question, I need to know if I can add it to my list of emergency poop stops
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