Just because you put plan b in my Easter basket doesn't give you an excuse not to wear a condom.
there are people swimming in the fountain next to the library... hello senior week
I have glow sticks stuck to my boobs and a missed call from the 911. I'd say last night was a success.
Do you have any idea how hard it is to concentrate on legal issues with the ghost of his giant penis in me?
They called me at 5 AM saying they had a present for me
Hospital. He tried giving some kid a stone cold stunner during a real fight.
I love you. Happy valentines. Satin Patricks dayyyyyyyyyy. Alreadythrew up. Geeeeerait.
We all make mistakes. Just lock them up deep down inside your mind so they can surface as weird sexual fantasies it takes your therapist years to decipher when your 40
I've actually, minus lsat night have actually changed my drinking habits
And I am bleeding like slutty girl #1 In a horror movie
Ps I took your recycling out, the 9 champagne bottles, vodka bottle, and tequila bottle is how I knew it was yours
You ate ashes out of my bong
He apologized for cumming on my leg, but not for ghosting me for 3 weeks before :(
Good morning 7am walk of shame. It's been awhile.
Well 1) stay calm 2) stay safe 3) drink more
Randomize
