Unless I'm getting a singing midget telegram, I'm not going to smile
I just realized I have my pepper spray, gun, and vibrator all in one drawer. One false grab and I'm screwed either way.
Somehow ended up at a stranger's bridal shower. Everyone else is already drunk.
votings over. no more wacking it to anti christine o'donnell ads
You know our reunion in two weeks shall be a drunken bikini clad magical adventure right
Got drunk and passed out flintstone vitamins to everyone at the bar. I'm just so god damn motherly
Our host-mom was rubbing her back sympathetically going "muy bien, chica" while she puked on the beach. So yeah, I think we got the best one.
Oh and apparently something happened that was related to "THIS IS SPARTA" but no one will tell me what I did.
So I'm going to blame my boobs hurting on that.
I have never encountered a chode in the wild
YOLO is a great motto until you end up with Chlamydia
I took the beard trimmer to my balls this morning.\nMuch blood. Much blood from my scrotum.
i can believe you didnt get any, i was wing-girling the shit out of him
all you did was repeatedly scream GET IT IN
I think I left my thong in your bed. Careful. It has the power to destroy the agitator on a washing machine
Well Jon got a DUI sleeping in the back seat so I thought the trunk was safer. BUT WHO CARES WHY JUSE PLEASE COME LET ME OUT!
At Target. Everyone is stocking up on food and flashlights for this storm. I stocked up on beer. Dont judge me, it was on sale...
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