Holy cold harsh reality of sobriety batman
Thats something to write home to mom about
Dear Mom, I had sex last nt w a girl that liked to b choked. Im n love. Cant wait for you to meet her
i bet jesus would rush if he went to usc
He made me cum so much, I almost let him spend the night. The operative word being "almost".
Drunken horseback riding is the absolute worst decision i've ever made in my life.
I'll have to explain it to you tonight when i call drunk. It will sound better
Dwarf fight at five guys. Today was a good day.
I woke up to her screaming at the various pictures of nutsacks she found on her camera
The effect you have on my penis from a different state is impressive
You declared war on your ex and then had sex with who you thought was her sister. No one knows who she was but we think your dick might be in danger.
It's 4/20. I'm not too worried about "healthy"
He wanted to watch the vow, cuddle, and not have sex. An upgrade is in order.
I didn't wake up drunk this year...I must be getting soft
Yeah I guess quad-fisting Miller Lites just isn't as effective as it used to be
It's Christmas. You could splurge on something a LITTLE fancier than wine in a box.
I mean seriously, she can have his dick anytime and im over here salivating like a thirsty bitch.
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