Her gag reflex was as absent as a father figure must have been in her childhood
Just watched a porn with the dvd commentary on i think i need to re-evaluate my life
just fucked my old babysitter, gotta love block parties
found a ham sandwich in the elevator it tasted so hungry and it was still fresh. dont be mad at me. you know you love ham.
I'm really tired of your booty call eating my fruity pebbles.
Yaaaayyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyy! It has more than one y so my intentions to sleep with you after the drink special ends are clear
Some guy Just sang about my ass on the street
It was terrible lyrics but I would have thrown my life savings into that guitar case if I had any.
These cutoffs are too tight but my ass looks like Freedom
I feel like I should remember what we did after leaving the party because apparently a llama was involved, but all I can manage is the part where I asked you to cuff my ankle to the bed so I wouldn't backflip away.
Dude, I can't even reach my asshole to wipe it. I have a lot more to be thankful for this Thanksgiving.
I can't help you there
Currently at a bar observing the mating patterns of drunken people in their 60s. This is hilariously terrifying. Hope he has Viagra.
I plan on getting so intoxicated, that I think it's MY own birthday
Can I play this game?
I hope no one at work can tell or smell that I have tequila in my hair and I haven't showered for days
whenever dudes said you had nice tits you'd scream at them "This double push-up bra is full of deceit and lies!"
Yes, the maid of honor did just deep throat the mic during the toast. How do I follow that?
Randomize
