Yea, forget your mom. She will be home after her one night stand.
Fantastic night. drank beer from a wine bottle, danced on a van, chased a llama, and fell from a fence
She said that I needed to "pregame her so it can slip right in."
No exaggeration. At the gas station she handed me the mop from over the counter and told me that's my last drink of the night
I told this guy in the dining hall that he's a hippie god and he's never made eating yogurt so sexy
Hahah. They reconnected again?
Like with his penis I guess
I have to have sex on a bidet. I'm not sure what kind, but it's reason #4 for an Italian vacation!
Sheila knows I only go down on her on Bastille Day. Valentine's Day we get high and watch The Neverending Story. THE SYSTEM WORKS.
No more pre-dentist shots, I just puked on my hygienist
You're breaking my sexual little heart
WHY IS SHE PANDERING YOU, A SIMPLE GOBLIN, TINY WEENER PICTURES OVER STATE LINES
someday i'll meet a man and who loves me as much as i love getting drunk and starting fires
I just want to get drunk and not have to worry about you leaving me at the bar.
Unless you count my weekly workout where I drink wine, listen to obscure/cheesy records, and pretend I'm a ballerina...no. I don't exercise.
I don't know what that means but it's making me want to fuck you.
Randomize
