i got last night's adventure to take the garbage out when he was leaving. my vagina is THAT good.
I just filled out my 2010 Census drunkenly. I'm single handedly throwing it off.
I realized i make the same noise when i get a blow job as when i eat pizza
FYI : beer farts in the morning chase women right out of bed!
I woke up with my left arm looking like it got mauled by a lion. Oo and she said someone broke her car window.
Just realized these events may be related.
I never want to hear the words 'my therapist says . . . ' while naked again.
It's official. 2011 is the year of sport fucking
Just so you know you don't have to worry about me picking up any guys tonight. The Hilton is hosting guests from the North American Gay Volleyball Association and the Comic Palooza
I think i lit a firework with a joint. happy birthday, america?
my goal was to make out with as many people dressed as batman as possible. I have my priorities.
It's 6 am, I'm drunk, and celebrating the end of finals.Go ahead and ask me where I am...if you guessed a McDonald's playpen then you are correct. Badabababa I'm loving it
Oh dude I know. When something that's supposed stop pregnancies taste like chocolate something's up
Dude for real though, we gotta stop getting hammered and kissing gay guys.
He left stubble rash on my thighs and cooked me bacon before 9am. I need to lock this down STAT
I accidentally told my mom I broke my drug nail this weekend
Randomize
