Um....I woke up to a lipgloss covered bottle of Jack daniels in my arms..
You've kissed worse.
ever seen your mom drunk enough to lick your face? i have
I just got a Community College debit card in the mail. My failure has been materialized.
You don't want any of I have. Seriously. Its 80 proof rum that was 8 bucks for a liter. I'm afraid
I'm sure your liver is writing out a will as we speak
Why do I have a missed call from "The Anaconda" ?
The only thing keeping me calm right now is pretending to chop off everyone's heads when using the paper cutter
You're too morally constrained. I firmly believe that you should be less concerned with how young she is and more excited by the fact that she's not jailbait by virtue of a legal technicality.
I was stopped at a light on my way home and a priest threw holy water on my car. Seems fitting after last night.
She brought over her portable harddrive and we dueled with porn. This relationship is too beautiful to last.
Roommate is hosting a 'sorority retreat' at our house. If you need to get laid, stumble on over.
The horniest man in the world doesn't want sex as bad as I want pizza right now.
Okay, so when I go to meet your grandma, let's do a quick cum check to we don't have another "what's that on your face?" situation.
I just watched my mom pour beer into her vodka and drink it.
Can you get the dildos out of the shower before the maids come?
hurry up. it's a friday night and i'm drinking in my office by myself. wearing a stewie griffin costume. the cleaning lady is judging me.
Randomize
