The walls in my apartment are so thin that sometimes when I fart, I stop to listen if people are laughing next door.
Eating a girl out that was just in the ocean does not make her taste like saltwater taffy
in retrospect, i probably shouldn't have referred to his dick as "travel size"
You only like me because I'm a challenge
You already blew me
Hardcore start to spring break. Mike is wearing adult diapers because the only stop we are making is for gas.
He SHOWED UP to the party wearing one shoe and a dinosaur hat. He kept lifting up his shirt and asking people to bite his nipple.
I woke up to find my purse full of puke, and all I could think was not again.
Well, I made it thru a doorway, so I think things are going good.
Do I like my job? I just bought 1/2 oz of pot from my supervisor at work. At a discount. And he said, "pay me whenever."
You need to stop me from lighting my hand on fire next time we're working
I just want every freshman guy to know about Grindr just so I can have more options
She'll feel so accomplished if she finally gets to bang me.
My name will be tattooed on his ass by sunday.
If more people understood that brunch is at 3pm the world would be a better place because you don't have to wake up early. Breakfast food is important
Someone made a Christmas song to the Flintstones theme and I'm suing for emotional distress.
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