My roommate just did the walk of shame in last nights corset back to our room to find her dad there. THATS why i go to school out of state.
the pizza man had no reaction when jackie and me opened the door naked, i guess he's used to that shit
She never called back. Financed a fleshlight.
Would it be in bad taste to ask Marky Mark to sign the vibrator I named after him?
Can you fuck me on the kitchen counter at some point? I'll lysol it after
I wonder what chicks would think if they learned that when we add them on fb we email their bikini pics to each other.
Just woke up with an eye that wont open, a half eaten piece of pizza on my chest and a raging boner.
Oooo yea. You face planted on my bed but only half your body made it so you noodled onto the floor but kept saying prepare to be murdered which is when you started taking your pants off but stopped at your ankles cause it was too hard
He said he didnt want to choke me, I said im sorry thats a deal breaker.
im watching blue is the warmest color at the music box and this dude is literally masturbating 3 feet in front of me
I called you a cum goblin in my voicemail. I stand by it.
Totally just made a post sex emergency cupcake run. My life is awesome.
Literally the fucking master of salvaging the possibility of a blow job whilst also crushing somebody's dreams.
Sometimes being bisexual is a curse. Turns out I banged both of her older twin brothers last summer.
Did we kick in my basement door last night?
Yes. I think you actually bought tennis shoes specifically for that application.
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