Just boiled hotdogs in bongwater. NOT a good idea.
We just made mixed drinks in the bathroom of burger king. This is sad.
Shes been standing with her arms crossed in front of the mirror for 45 minutes...she told me she's "getting sober"
IDK but this explains my bloody dashboard.
I just found out I lost my virginity the same day my parents did, 25 years later. This is my life.
Tis the season to puke in grandma's bathroom
You're the only person I know who would be upset about making out with a girl you like. You're like a drunken Charlie Brown.
I was more obsessed with the sweat stain on her back that was simultaneously shaped like a vagina and the virgin Mary.
Remind me to tell you a really funny story about me and arson.
Everyone heard you having sex but I just told them you were having a nightmare.
Props to you. You took the bet seriously. Making out with her for an hour right after she spewed
Like I just asked Greg why I don't have a crown for my vagina. That drunk.
God damn. You sleep with one 40 year old married dude and suddenly you have “daddy issues”. Fuck all of you.
test was negative. but nancy drew has yet to solve the case of the missing period.
I would but he’s not speaking to me because I put ketchup in his socks.
Randomize
