you fell asleep during kickboxing this morning
how does that even happen??
I got my half for the rent already.I called the cops on the drug dealer neighbor and got a 500 bucks as a reward
it was like the sexual equivalent of when Wilson fell off the raft and floated away
He snuck into some random hotel's continental breakfast at 3 AM and then passed out on a bench in the lobby. When the cops found him they made him empty out his pockets. No phone, no ID just muffins.
The 30 seconds of sex was almost worth it...I mean he did smoke me out and watched the princess and the frog with me
Slept on the counter again. Mom covered me in an apron.
please stop judging me for buying a handle of soco on a thursday at 10am. it was on sale, i'm thinking of my future.
You wouldnt be able to explain the can of green beans in my mailbox, would you?
Time to do stuff I know I'll have to hide from my grandkids one day and everyone at next weekends wedding.
I'd say I'd distract him, but I lose my psychic powers when guys get girlfriends. And by psychic powers I mean taking off my top.
Its Nebraska, I'm sure im not the first person to wake up hungover in a corn field.
TGIFridays...stall number 1...drunk...send help
just had to get on my knees to snort an addy off the little sink at the daycare. teacher of the year!
Oh you mean the girl that gave me a black eye when I told her I liked her fake eyelashes?
I hope you have your own chainsaw cause I didn’t buy one for you. It was a gross oversight on my part
Randomize
