if you wake up with plaid pants on your floor in the morning, you made a bad decision.
But i did once see a show where a women was homeless and installed a stove in a school bus so she and her baby could live there since all the seats were taken out. As far as being homeless goes it didn't look half bad...So this is me promising to you that if i ever am living in an abandoned school bus...i will at least pimp it out with a stove so you can come over for dinner sometimes
If she didn't want me to pass out in her bathroom, then she shouldn't have such a furry rug in there
She was wearing a "Got Beer" hat and your bed had necco wafers all over it the next morning. Another story for the grandkids.
I walked into the kitchen and twelve of them were just staring at the oven. Freshmen are the weirdest drunks ever.
TONGUES ARE JUST MEAT TENTACLES IN OUR MOUTHS OMG
HOW ABOUT I DON'T WAKE UP TO THESE TYPES OF TEXTS
i know you're upset so i should probs be supportive but i've got nothing in that department. your life suuuuucks
So we became Pizza Strippers- we stripped and asked for slices of pizza in return.
What's the procedure for answering a booty call from someone under house arrest?
One does not fall in love, one falls flat on the their face after leaving a bar
I found a guy who will take me to the Olive Garden and he is CONVENTIONALLY ATTRACTIVE.
There are grandparents doing keg stands I don't know
Clearly I was drunk when I met them I gave them a muffin. But they sure remembered me
It was horribly awesome. Its like looking at the sun, you know its bad for you but I just couldn't stop looking.
it was weird going down on him. His picture of Jesus was staring at me the entire time...
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