Pretty people don't get stds, I knew it
I swear she didn't look like that last week.
I have to start avoiding pregnant women. This is getting out of hand.
all I remember was being half naked drinking water on my hands and knees from her dogs water bowl.
You know your from las vegas when the girl on the stage in the strip club was in my US gov class senior year
I'm one shot of soco 100 away from fucking a mailbox
The mass text at 3:12AM offering "free scrotum tastings" will have repercussions
You gave the cab driver your pants as collateral while you ran in the house for money.
Dude...that line about her giving me a blowjob to get rid of her hangover actually got rid of her hangover. Spread the word.
Bombed my 8 a.m. exam and the liquor store doesn't open till noon. Drinking unfinished beers from last night till they open.
I want someone to sweep me off my feet and you want someone to fuck you on the kitchen table. They're both perfectly logical needs.
I blacked out for most of the day but apparently I still met with my prof. I made notes...
You should make us a hot pocket to split while I go throw up.
Thx for last night. I've never had so much fun while being told my life decisions are questionable at best.
It's official. I have spent more money on weed than on textbooks this semester.
Randomize