I like how you refer to peeing in the car as "super cute"
high people should be assigned attendants
I'm not 100% on this, but I'm pretty sure I just accidently talked my way into a threesome.
It was unlikely that the relationship was going to end with anything other than antibiotics.
just went back to the bar and asked if they found a shoe last night.
Found a 10-can wizard staff hidden in our closet. Did we cut someone off?
That's yours. We cut you off.
NEW RULE: NO INNAPROPRIATE CHOICES THAT INVOLVE GUNS. I LIKE IT. WRITE THAT DOWN.
the last thing i remember is yelling at the cab driver that i'm really good at drive by vomitting.
Haha, how do I word that nicely? "You got me to the edge of no return twice and failed to let me orgasm, therefore you owe me chicken nuggets or hot wings. Your decision"
Text me later if you aren't dead and wanna have a drink later
He screamed like a woman when he came then proceeded to sing "you [we] are the champion" by Queen. I think I'm in love.
It's only 9 and these two girls are already walking around Walmart barefoot and holding their heels. WE NEED TO STEP IT UP.
Do you remember me asking for jerk off videos from Tinder guy?
Nah I don't remember that being part of the criteria
What happened last night? I just woke up and there's like 15 mcflurry cups on the floor
You don't remember stealing them?
right after that u started calling me g-force and started trying to bellyslide down his drive way
Randomize
