Ninja stars and alcohol are a bad combo
and i think we compared dick sizes, then high fived...
I just scratched behind my ear and found icing. Fuck you.
Either I'm a lot drunker than I thought, or he has three dicks....
I think I'm gonna have to go with the first one...
She told me she's going to buy a projector so she can watch porn on her ceiling...I'm telling you man this chick is going places
Dong worry about me. I just cashed bottle of wine when I found out he was in town, I'm being dramatic. I'll text you tomorrow when I'm sober and my face stops bleeding
I don't know... But I do think this is probably the longest series of texts we've written discussing your cock. David was right, it is a brave new world. Also, slow day at work again?
I've started a list of places i want to drink. To go along with the list of places i want to have sex. Lincoln's log cabin is on both.
On a toatally unrelated note, I see music in my hair
A man just sang Jennifer Lopez to me out his car window. I am not sure how I feel about this, but it is not positively.
wait did i hook up with someone in mcdonalds last night?
Care to explain the single rose and the package of "Cowboy Moustaches" I found on the porch?
Having sex with him is like eating mayo. Don't think about it, just do it. It's worth it.
You -do- realize there are other things to talk about than just how different parts of you smell like pussy, right?
Why do I feel so obligated to masterbate just because I’m single and it’s valentines Day...
Randomize
