we went to that german restaurant and drank out of the boots. Then I threw up into one
best part, i was ridiculous and none of them were judging me bc they didn't want my vagina. it was like i was a pretty painting
When i light up a cigarette people look at of like i'm going to pee on their children.
the level of his annoyance + every insult he makes = the closer I am to telling him im fucking his ex
sorry for covering your dog in whipped cream. his bark made it sound like he wanted it.
In my defense it was my birthday and I really wanted to do it.
its taking every last moral i have not to steal this bike
you still have morals?
Well actually itd just be too hard to ride the bike with this large rake i just stole
whoever set the energy saving light timer in the lobby bathroom cleraly has no concept how long a work dump takes
Do you remember trying to make pizzas with the domino workers last night...while trying to speak their language with them.. spanish?
I feel like I would find myself in so much trouble if I hadn't married my DD.
He kept kissing me on the cheek when I was pretending to sleep while he cried
All I remember about last st pattys day was I was in a bathtub with full bubbles, fully clothed, drinking out of a flamingo lawn ornament that someone cut a hole in.
Idk what y'all are doing but I just want you to know I'm home and if I hear him say "slap it" one more time I'm moving out
Typical. We're ready to go, and you're not wearing pants.
Man, I'm never going tanning again he noticed the burns on my ass
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