Remember that sex scene from American Psycho?
Ya, why?
We should try that some time.
My dad just sent me a text telling me to "say hi to all the luscious bitches" at the gay bar. Guess this explains my childhood
i'm in his phone as sushi coochie
you should have heard her the other night. no sentence related to one preceding it. it was like she was in etch a sketch and when she moved she forgot everythin
there really is only one way to give a PowerPoint presentation in your senior capstone class: still drunk.
I cannot believe I said bareback movement...
There's two sisters at this place and they look competitive. Try for a threesome tonight?
OH BABY IM HERE AND IN A BLANKET FORT
COME TO THE BLANKET FORT
My text message history should be ashamed of itself right now.
Just saw a drunk bitch in the west village peeing on a car. You are not alone.
Goldenshlager is a hell of a drink. And these are the adventures ur missing out on w me. I gave someone a bath Emily. A BATH.
Awkward
Can't say I wouldn't let it happen again.
You're worse than that girl who made out with her cousin at that party
That was you...
sorry there isn't a 'perfect ass' emoji
My neck feel like I've been sucking Goliath's dick.
and then she asked if she could shave my junk
and howd that go?
can you pick me up from the hospital?
Randomize