i need a shirt that says "I fuck trainwrecks"
I told her for every minute she spent down there, I would donate a dollar to the Haiti relief fund... totally worked
I feel like my whole life has been one big pre-game for Mexico.
More likely there's a very shell-shocked cat wandering around somewhere, covered in potato peelings
I am wrecking havoc on the skinny girls by going home with the big one. She is taking me to see her dog now.
Today's hangover is a "wear sunglasses while pooping in the dark" kind of day
Hey.. there are 2 people i've never met before spooning in the bathtub. Please elaborate on what went down last night.
I never realized how weird our shower smells until I cracked a shower beer and had a familiar aroma to compare it to.
Bra is off & I'm snuggled in a pizza. Adulting is good.
Afterwards the first thing I said was, "You know, you're probably the first guy who has ever gotten laid wearing Star Wars pajama bottoms."
Youre a wreck. Youll be in your dorm weeping to project runway covered in pizza sauce and smelling of stale beer
we tried to make a drinking game out of 4 pokemon cards you found in a drawer.
Last night this creepy guy asked me my name and I told him it was Jaundice and he called me that all night
I just want to see you and express my feelings in a drunken manner, but in a sweet way like my english accent.
I think she lost me at about the point where the words “Ice Cream Enema” were spoken.
Randomize
