dude, mark had the least successful cab ride in history last night. took a cab to the bars, stopped at every atm in the city, none worked, then had to come back to the party to beg for 20 to pay the taxi that officially took him nowhere.
I made out with four boys last night, AND EXCUSE ME WHILE I COUNT HOW MANY GIRLS.
Now I'm watching The History of Sex on the History Channel. They're talking about how repressed the 30s were. I think I understand why grandma is such an angry person.
Almost accidentally stole a baby... explain later
Hey is it bad when your boss leans over your desk and tells you "you smell like the Rainforest Cafe"??
He pulled the washer 5 feet out from the wall screaming about quarters
We made a trail of cheez balls so we knew how to get back to te apartment.
Did you make me take pictures of your ass last night because you fucked on some wet paint or did i dream that?
I just brushed my teeth. In the car. With watered down Sprite. From Saturday. Multi-tasking at its finest.
Who had my phone last night? Whoever it was sent "Fuck you, you're adopted" to half the people on my contact list.
im dying and naked and this is what youre living with next year.
He's going to be in the air guitar championships in june. Need I say more.
you drug him to get him horny then deny him sex. freaks.
New one isn't as good asmy ex. She won't put her tongue up my butt
Peter this is your "ex"
I stand by what i said
I know he’s married, but he’s still a guy with balls and a dick. He noticed my cleavage and stared at my ass. He’ll call.
Randomize
