you can still come hang out if you want
I really don't feel like watching you play video games
I'm pounding a vodka drink as we speak to make her interesting
ew. I made a sandwich, and the cheese reminded me of her vagina
Just met a girl...She is complaining why on facebook you can't have more then one "open relationship"
I dont know how i feel about her from a moral standpoint...
some guy had a sword and everyones crying..it turned bad..fast.
I want to figure out a way to work "if you suddenly die, I might turn into an extreme hoarders" into my valentines day poem
He showed up at my door at 3 AM wearing a Santa hat with a tiara attached.
I hope you have a dream of a sloth with my face touching you erotically
Just bought weed from the ice cream man. The kid in front of me got a tootie fruitie.
Your drunk naked friend is roaming the living room. Started roaming my room. Please come retrieve him
I don't want any of this. I just want big sausages.
I was so hungover at work I had my shirt on backwards. I had no idea how I managed to get through today puke free.
Lest it die in the depths of eternal drunken recall denial...we peed in the street. Middle of the street. Simultaneously. Peed. Street. Middle of street.
Wtf happened last night
You traded your bra for a shot so I'd say you probably don't wanna know
I remember is someone saying "I smell weed" and then having a room full of sober high school kids look at me.
Randomize
