They should make Jack Daniels chap stick
Last night when I was hammered I set a reminder to tell you that your boobs are my favorite ones in the world, so this is me giving you that message.
I took the precaution of putting my macbook the one place in the dorm there is no way i can piss on it... the toilet
at one point he was caressing me in the kitchen asking me my name over and over again and then asking what my favorite continent was
Haunted Houses: fun, lame, or love to sneak off and get fingered in the dark alley way?
Nothing like grinding all night with a hot ethnic guy dressed as a clown to help conquer your phobia. Halloween is fucked up.
The airport has the best people watching and munches... It should be a destination drinking location
I don't know if it is the Everclear or chemistry, but i think my brain is coming out of my ears.
i actually texted him "nice to see you" but then there was a saved draft "i think about you when i get off." dodged that bullet...
I made that picture of you my lock screen. So I've just been standing around at work licking my phone all day.
My night just got really weird. In a sit down stall bathroom at this nice resturaunt and this guy walks in as I rip a humongous porcelain-splitting fart. Well, I hear him stop for a second. He then opens the door to the stall next to mine, sits down and says, "player two has entered the game."
Did you win?
Im sorry you'll never get the feeling of closeness when you go to pee outside and you realize you're peeing right where someone else just peed
LOL he's a hopeless romantic now? 🤔 I'd say giving him a bj in a freakin softball dugout isn't the most romantic thing but it still happened
well, unfortunately the rug burn lasted longer than the actual relationship
I showered three hours ago and yet feel the need for another one already. This is my day.
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