hide the guitars, Nate just learned to play free fallin'
I'm driving in the middle of nowhere, and I just saw a stuffed Barney hanging from a noose on a tree. Maybe I should turn around.
my sex list reads like a who's who of mcdonald's general managers
I didn't think her British accent was real until I saw how fucked up her teeth were.
I literally need to be slapped with another cock just to notice it.
the theme of the baby shower is Nightmare On Prego Street
i threw up in a box in my own lap driving today.
what kind of roommate is she really? she wouldn't even hold my hair back.
I hope you dream of an avalanche of penises
I whipped my shit out and she just stared at it with a mean face. It was like a face off in a heavyweight boxing fight.
You were pouring Patron into the window of the squad car trying to get the police dog to drink it
So thats why that cop beat my ass?
Probably
Deciding whether to take my sex toys home for Christmas will be the biggest decision I make this holiday season
I had wine for breakfast at 6am, that's how visiting my parents went.
Wanna have a sleepover and take me to court in the morning?
I would fuck him just for his dog
Randomize
