how did your night go?
he asked for my myspace name.
Welcome to my life. currently drinking beer through two straws. easier/faster that way.
Nah, I'm just going to keep fucking him until he realizes we're perfect for each other.
He wore a Medeval Times crown while I gave him a BJ
No dude trust me, just go a strip club at their busiest hours and pick the ugliest chick. Guaranteed she blows you for under 20$, the record stands at $7.67 and a pen from Bank of America,
He's the kind you'd bring home and you'd wake up and all your food would be half eaten on the kitchen floor and all your socks would be missing.
You're in the clear; you and Andrew did not joint fingerbang that girl on the dance floor last night.
I took my exam the next day still drunk and failed, but I kno for a fact that I filled in the bubbles for my name perfectly
Just fucked a MILF from Alaska. I love traveling.
This chick at the gym, just informed me I was super funny this weekend. Especially when I untied her friends bikini top after throwing up in the women's restroom. SWEET black out chronicles has another story
I just saw two homeless guys bond over the fact that they both use Crown Royal bags as wallets in Burger King.
Can we talk about the fact that a stranger is doing a line of coke off our living room table right now?
We are the best cocktail. We look appealing, taste amazing, and ruin lives.
CAPS.LOCK.AND.SPACEBAR.ARE.BROKEN.
My walk of shame is starting to become positively reinforcing; I stop by Starbucks and when I leave I look someone just heading to work.
Randomize