Idk man, it felt like my skin was a suit and I could feel it zipping up my side and up to my mouth. And then my head felt like a ventriloquist dummy's head, with the jaw thing..it was freaky, dude
You think that's a metaphor for anything, champ?
Shut the hell up.
is it bad that i think of my life in terms of the sims? like when i'm hitting it off with someone, i really wish a plus sign would appear above my head. and when i throw up from drinking way too much, a minus sign.
i make out with random ppl when i drink he shouldnt feel special
She said she didn't want to have sex because she was so torn up about "this whole NBC thing."
the beat of "birthday sex" is shockingly similar to my dry heaving rhythm. it's making me nauseous all over again.
He talks to me in this sweet I know you might be pregnant voice.
I see you felt the need to carve your name in my kitchen table. thanks
If she wants to think that freshman 15 means sleeping with 15 guys than so be it I just gotta make sure I'm one of them.
I don't think my body can handle the alcohol I want to put in it anymore.
YOU'RE HIGH AND AT THE GYM OF COURSE YOU FEEL WEIRD
My thighs feel like glass
At what point do you think my baptist preacher of a father will clue in that my brother "bringing a foreign exchange student" for thanksgiving means "bringing his european boyfriend and they'll probably fuck every night" for thanksgiving?
So I just stirred my shower drink with my razor.
I'm not going to ask which end you used.
I'm having a funeral for my vibrator. Please be there. I need your dick for support.
He fell asleep during FOREPLAY. Sober!!!
Im outta here as soon as my phone charges wtf
i literally have the attention span of a weasel on steroids, but yeah, i know who you’re talking about.
Randomize
