who are you and why are you in my phone as dr. seuss
so hey instead of everyone buying me a birthday present can everyone just pitch in for my abortion?
i lost his rear view mirror, your phone charger, and my lesbian virginity. 21 isn't shaping up too well so far.
some guy had a sword and everyones crying..it turned bad..fast.
Make puking fun. Chug half a monster right before you blow. Throw up foam. Most unique experience ever.
I just creeped on air mattress guy's facebook and discovered his ex is the trifecta of evil: tiny, cute, and blonde.
And now for everyone's least favorite sport... Drunk babysitting.
He made me brush his hair afterwards because it made him feel like a ken Barbie.
God I hope the sex was good.
So I'm guessing that puking on a camper is a straight path to instant termination?
So I definitely tried to pay a cab with baseball tickets last night
I think I'm so comfortable in my sexual relationship because he mostly wants to see me naked with large plates of bacon tastefully placed upon my body
But I thought it was so funny last night
You also thought you were a gypsy mermaid last night
Being an adult is fun. You can experience a break up, then go fuck someone else in the woods.
I mean, I let him sleep with me after we both ate taco bell sober... That's kinda like love, right?
we used a blowdryer last night to warm up our left over pizza..it worked perfectly at first..but then the chili powder got into his eyes..
Randomize
