you're dressed like that and you're on the rag, that's false advertisment
Packed at 6 am completely wasted. Damage assessment: 12 pairs of socks (no underwear), a flashlight, 3 shorts, shot glass, 8 sweaters, puff paint, one sneaker.
all but 2 of were put on probation for disorderly conduct. i know, visiting a hospital when your drunk is really stupid but it seemed like such a good idea at the time
swear to god, "it seemed like a good idea at the time" is gonna be on your epitaph
Penises. Penises everywhereeeeeeeee. Penis ratio is sooo disproportionate. I can't NOT get laid tonight.
Uh oh. Middle aged belly dancers. And they just got out swords. Shit is about to get real.
Things I had in my bed when I woke up: an avocado, a toilet brush, and a note that says thanks but no thanks with the number of taco bell on it. WHAT DID I DRINK?
Walked back to my room from the bus last night and all I see is 3 of my friends on the porch chugging whiskey and then throwing up in unison
I think these people may actually be nudists. You know it's bad when I feel uncomfortable.
I built a fence. For the bunnies we're going to adopt. I'll fill you in when you get home.
it is my last wish that my tale be published posthumously as a warning to anyone thinking of eating burger king at nine am
Watching the awkward tinder date at the table next to mine is the most action I've had in months, so there's that.
how drunk are you?
Several
You challenged a dog groomer that she couldn't cut human hair ... How's the shaved head
Just an fyi, you also tried to wrangle a peacock last night.
My dad just invited me to smoke a blunt with him. Parent-child bonding at its finest (and highest).
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