I will give everyone a free pointer today. Here it goes, always pee by the house late at night to avoid getting shot by drunk bastards with guns. Never go by the tree line.
there was a party in your bed and you weren't invited... change your sheets
do you ever think like no deep thought could take place in the spanish language? like all they talk about is like tacos?
how high are you?
I gave the naked guy in the hotel hall a pop tart. He stopped crying.
The pine trees are waving at me.
Put the pipe down honey.
Hi trees.
Last time I saw him the sun was coming up and he was asleep in the student wellness parking lot. For some reason people were peeing on him.
I smell like booze and the valet literally buckled me in, def top 3 walks of shame
They were greeting people getting off the 48 with green beers and cheers. The one day I decide not to take the bus home...
What do you think french fries on pizza would taste like?
i already know. Delicious. Use ranch.
Also, rendered a whole bar silent last night when I told a guy to take off his panties and take a shot out of my cleavage. Video to follow...
she genuinely believed that kangaroos are a cross between a deer and a T-rex
My friends son got stung by a jellyfish over the weekend and we seriously stood there debating on whether or not we should pee on this toddler.
I woke up to find a bottle of Bacardi in my shower rack. How was your night?
I think that's the first time I had "ass rimming" scroll across my phone at work
There's a dude wearing a banana suit at the house across the street....
Randomize
