If you text me again I will gut all of your stuffed animals.
Just made ouyt with a dude on the real wporld...I said I dont want my face blired out
If youre the one that ate my brownies this morning I only have two things to say to you
Those had pot in them
And good luck on your interview asshole
I got an MIP via FUCKING HELICOPTER. Tuscaloosa police either have nothing to do or too many resources.
Then she opened the door and pitched the dead squirrel out, yelling "TELL THE OTHERS WHAT YOU SAW"
He woke up, mumbled "silverware", and went back to sleep
Just stuffed an entire cupcake in my mouth after finishing third glass of wine. Valentines day is pretty much going how i expected it.
Man, I thought my dick was gonna fall off.
Dude, I didn't even think they made slap bracelets anymore. You okay?
Just saw a guy I fucked in a clown suit in the bar. It's not Halloween. I have got to start making better life decisions.
Pro: Drunk Portland Strip Club. Con: Monday morning hangover at work. Pro: boobs. Con: Sleep deprivation. The Pro's are winning.
I would agree. Add some coffee to the booze. It will cut down on sleep deprivation.
I've talked to too many cops in one week and I haven't even committed any crimes. I hate the suburbs
VIVE LA RESISTANCE
Oh god, what now?
He just told me my boobs made up for all the bad things that had ever happened to him. I'm definately having sex with him again.
Yea and there’s destruction when we’re together, mostly of our livers but W/e
Pandemic Silver Lining: cheap hotel rates makes it easier to have afternoon fun with my side dick
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