if another girl says "im usually cleaner down there" I'm just going to shoot myself
i wish that i had sketchier friends so that it would be easier to get drugs
i sneezed during and he said it felt like i gave birth to his dick...then asked me to do it again.
Just did a shot to pluto being a planet again. I love science.
I wish we could tell the moving van to wait at the strip club for a while.
I researched the whole pregnancy breast feeding with piercings. I think you dont have to worry about the trifecta milk spraying thing.
So I managed to get the bitch who has been copying off me all semester in History to copy the names of Pokemon towns off my test.
I was getting sick from all the peanut butter I had to lick off
Stop bitching. YOU SHOULD FEEL BLESSED TO HAVE LICKED PEANUT BUTTER OFF OF THESE TOTTERS
He seemed like a really nice guy. He tried to dry my shirt because someone spilled their drink on me. I think that's how I ended up topless on his dryer.
i asked the cop if we could stop and do a chinese firedrill.... he said no.
My parents don't seem to understand that all I want to do over break is smoke in bed and watch Workaholics.
My bra is still on the porch...I'm leaving it as a reminder to get my shit together.
Last thing I remember is ranting about hating pants. Woke up this morning pants less. Couldn't find them, decided to leave. Driving without pants is surprisingly liberating.
According to timehop today marks the 3rd anniversary of my 1st blackout
I admit I fucked your best friend, but to be fair, you fucked the tristate area. So there's a good chance about 40% of those people are MY friends.
Randomize
