Fuck. I have a girl here waiting on me in my room! I told her I was going to get a drink of water... I'm in the bathroom taking a dump... I have mudd butt bad... There's NO toilet paper!!
wrong asian. never thought that would happen.
i went to throw her on my bed and threw her straight in to my bike
I just woke up with a bunch of French fries in my hand and a chocolate shake balancing on my pillow. Lovely.
This girl has a mullet weave. I missed oakland.
was it me or did you scream 'champagne motherfucker' when you punched him in the face ??
My adult sexuality and some of the best memories of my childhood collided like a Pee Wee Herman wet dream.
Elaborate
Strip Mario-Kart
The only way I can describe the noise he makes when he has an orgasm: dying walrus.
We're already drunk. 4 hours to go still. And there's a bear advisory. TOP WEEKEND.
I feel like if you're funneling natty lights on a Wednesday at 2:30pm at the apartment complex pool during finals week, you probably don't have your priorities straight.
That was the night you tried to convince me you threw up your sould because your throwup was black
He used one of his curtains as a leash and hand restraints. He wins the creative sex challenge hands down.
He didn't get how "starting a flash flood in my thunderhole" was a sexy euphemism. Deal breaker.
I am descending into that finals week rage fueled by ramen, mountain dew and bad sex is what's up.
The girl in line in front of me at the grocery store is buying wine, m&m minis, a toothbrush, and condoms. Is it inappropriate to high-five her?
Randomize
