I was taking a piss and started puking. I pissed myself and made a mess in the bathroom. Passed out, then got up and went back out from 11pm to 5am.
I changed 4 diapers and slept horribly in our hot apt. Now, I'm at my inlaws house watching the Rangers get pummeled. Oh how our lives differ.
I got date raped at Sigma Chi last night!
Dude, you never made it to Chi last night. You fell into a tree and passed out.
He only uses me for sexual pleasure. The sad part is I don't even feel like a slut. I just I feel like I should just live in the top drawer of his nightstand....for free of course.
sent the pic of my tit to the wrong bbm chatroom
he doesnt exactly give off the "im mature enough to use my penis" vibe
you just started pointing at the light and whispering "star wars"
Just sponge bathed with a swissper. Thrush inevitable. Shaking.
Also, my phone autocorrects ENABLER to all caps. I think I drunk text the word too often.
She gives the worst handjobs, it was like raw meat on a cheese grater
We all just did coke and we're coloring so if you're sober its pointless for you to come over here
I was jumping over your garbage can screaming "Im a snow cat!!" ..Who wouldn't want to see that?
Do you sleep with the same women I've already slept with on purpose?
I'm gonna write a book. Almost Awesome: all the times I ALMOST got laid.
I have blood and BBQ sauce all over my shirt. I blame you for the blood.
momentary stint on a second floor library computer...guy next to me snorted blue adderall off his notebook through a cut straw, i cant tell if this guy is my hero or just plain crazy...
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