if any two of us come back from the bar and aren't getting laid we will systematically destroy everything in the kitchen
literally followed a trail of condoms to the bus stop this morning. Ahh modern-day bread crumbs
Well he asked to have a sober hang out so i guess that constitutes as a date in college
He is now the second fuck buddy that i have met by walking up and grinding on him. My ass is so much more productive than dating
Not enough. Tell the person next to you to give you their drink. I give you permission. And then chug it. Be a hero tonight.
Cavemen vs astronauts. weapons to be determined. Who would win?
Yeah I just don't know how I feel about my fuck buddy coming to work at my dads office with me.
Ive done some fucked up shit, but last night was the first I have Poured milk on anothers mans face in the shower.
But in today's society it's frowned upon not to wear pants in public.
My ladyscape is the envy of many and the shangrila of few. I will display it proudly.
This guy is like Don Jon! Im over here this weekend and at least four times I've heard porn on his phone thru the bathroom door.
You okay? Last night you climbed through my window and demanded I take shots with you and when I refused you took a piss in my front yard.
that's your fault. you refused to take shots with me.
I would definitely ride that dick into the sunset if nuggets are involved
I think you're overestimating how drunk I was
You said your pillow felt like the ocean...
P.s. There are few things I love more than brand new mascara and you are one of them.
It's my birthday. I should be drinking mimosas in a top hat, not working.
Randomize
