Looks like I will be paying for the roofie I slipped myself in 9 months.
he bonged a 1/5 of jack and came back an hour later blacked out with a legitimate chicago firemans helmet
shes perfect for him. shes never seen a penis so she has nothing to compare his to.
OK, the bar's closing. Do I go to home to my wife or my girlfriend?
don't judge, it's breakfast wine Wednesday.
I just want to have weird supply closet sex with him... and then I'll be all set. Fired, but all set.
I'm an approx 70% certain someone switched my UV Blue for Windex - just as volatile as you might think.
It was his birthday and he drunkenly offered me Portillo's and diamonds in exchange for a snap chat of my boobs. Even sober it seemed like a good idea at 3 in the morning.
I should come with a disclaimer that reads "bad at relationships and defensive when confronted about it"
or maybe "WARNING: picks fights when bored"
I convinced a German girl that I was born while my mom was water skiing and I preceded to barefoot ski behind her via the umbilical cord...
Do you think accidently including this month's Credit Card statement in my application will keep me from getting into grad school?
Depends ... when did you purchase your vibrator?
he just sent me a dick pic, it highly resembled a cheese stick
The laundromat is nothing like In the pornos
Too hungover to brush my teeth. took a swig of menthol schnapps instead. lazy or incredibly efficient?
Youre my hero
If you really hate him do what I do: give him an amazing night of unforgettable sex then dump him. You’ll ruin sex for him because new girls won’t compare
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