her name is jenna, so i wanna cunt punt her
that's how i am about ashleys and britneys
ugh. my soul tastes like vodka
Dude, I just scraped frozen vomit from my rooftop
I really wish I could say this is a new low for you
I don't know how it happened, one minute we were talking about Huck Finn, the next minute I was blowing him behind the corner of his apartment building.
Please know that I fully expect you to help me steal a bed if I have a bad breakup.
This has been your unwelcomed wake-up call, brought to you by exes united. Have a good day, to opt out please type "STOP", to continue but act as though they do not exist please enter "DON'T CARE" for random daily wake up texts by exes united please press "PSYCHO!"
I guess I realized I had a problem when I ordered 4 shots and told the bar wench to pour them all into 1 glass
No fucking judgements. You know me. Chinese food vent sessions are safe places.
I can't name a single part of my body that isn't sore. Who says break up sex is bad sex?
Was so close to hoppin on it but then I realize it's not a dick and I needed to keep walking. Primal instincts.
I can't believe this. 100 bucks says my Botox lasts longer than their marriage will.
I'm in public and Taylor Swift is playing. It is taking all my effort to not screech like a goat.
And when I feel bad about myself I go to the library and suck my pen over an open book, counting the seconds until a guy sits across from me and tries to get my attention
Do you think if I explain to her I want to have loud, unprotected sex with her sister she'll understand?
So I took my bra off and threw it in the bushes before we went to the bars..
Randomize
