I think the secretary can hear it when I fart in the bathroom, how do you think she feels about that?
the nurse was shocked when I handed her a cup of green piss. what did she expect giving me a drug test on st. patty's day?
Word to the wise: do not smoke before going grocery shopping with only 12 bucks. So stressful.
My dealer threw in a "freestyle rap" today with my purchase. I dont know if I can handle this relationship.
Got home last night and found a Big Mac in the shower, tampons all over the place, and two pairs of your panties on the front porch.
Love me.
GO THE FUCK TO BED IT'S 3AM I AM NOT TAKING YOU TO MCDONALDS.
Just for one nugget?
I am significantly less than sober now. Gonna make like, ten hotdogs.
I don't remember but we shouldn't have a problem. Unless drunk you encouraged drunk me not to wear a condom.
I think we have a problem.
WAKE UP!!! We have 20 minutes to get to class. That means we only have 10 minutes to get drunk.
And after peeing my pants waiting outside for him, i proceeded to drop down and roll in the nearest puddle to pretend like i just ate shit when he arrived
I need to start using my boobs for good instead of weed. Although really they're kind of the same thing
I do not mind being torn from the first touches of sleep to see a man who looks like that
We are best friends because we can vomit simultaneously in the same toilet and not care
Are we DOING anything for lunch...if sex is involved, let's just be straight forward and stop wasting the first half hour! We just need to get to the point
Also I like oatmeal more than sex.
Randomize
