I just saw the pics of me from the costume party as Party Boy. I've effectively cock-blocked myself forever.
Whats the name of the guy with his hand down my pants?
wow, so sex, not that great its like masturbating with a warm towelette, like the kind you get at a japanese restaurant
Today's face brought to you by last night's make-up.
triple team girl just facebook chatted me. do i tell her i had a nice time?
Just please never masturbate in my bed again. I'm burning my sheets as I write this.
IM A DRUNK BIRTHDAY CLEOPATRA MESS. CELEBRATE THAT BITCH
Why i have shady connections. Owner just txt me asking to come by and judge the new stripper.
In the bath trying to absorb water through my skin because I can't drink it.. That hungover
Realized we were outta oj used gerber graduates mixed fruit juice as a mixer. Mother of the Year award right here
I made out with a guy who was dressed as Borat
And like a minute in, I was like oh fuck what am I doing
Did you run away?
I DANCED AWAY.
I wish to strangle
whoa there darth vader
Seriously bro? Indoor roman candle wars? I guess I'll never see that fucking security deposit again
Thank you, BTW, for defiling my bed. Glad it was done well.
I haven't been drunk for four days and just realized I haven't taken a shit for three. This can't be healthy.
Which part?
Randomize
