I slept walked to the toilet and woke up pooping. Easily one of the most disorienting events of my life.
No. You are not the Kate in this relationship. I will do what I want.
I was just like staring at the lawn boy while singing "You Belong With Me".
I am the king of creep.
they just did a mariachi cover of free bird
you decided to have a spaghetti fight but then you got greedy and decided to eat it all.
what the fuck a piece of candy corn just came out of her nose
So I am just swinging blind here, but I am guessing that blood in your sinus is not ideal
all i know is that i listed him in my phone as 'vagina cookies.' that can only be a good thing.
It was sunday, you had a camel back of bloody mary stumbling around a dog park with no dog.
She said my new name was "ranch" because I "looked delicious"
They should incorporate dolphins into professional surfing
Update: that felon in Georgia I slept with is now a police officer. What a wonderful world
do I look like a person who has full control of their limbs and existence on this plane of reality
Attention, i sprayed windex on me to disguise the scent of sex and regret off my clothes from last night
Why are there 17 orders of shrimp lo mein in the bathtub?
Randomize