Its not alright that i make out with a manican.
come downstairs quick. our boyfriends are having a dance off in nothing but their underwear and shoes. and they have semis too.
Omg. It looks like a crack pipe exploded in your mouth.
I had a pretty decent weekend -- aside from dropping the baby on her head. That.. That I feel bad about.
He asked if he could fuck me while on chat roulette.
Well yea but it's the principle of the thing.. The fact that he could actually BE your daddy
I always figured rock bottom would've involved more hookers
Being the only woman in a triathlon group - it's a penis paradise.
After the 3rd shot, she was running around singing, "Twinkle Twinkle Big Ol' Dick, on your happy place I'll sit" to your brother.
Put that bitch's torch out. She's been voted off.
I'm two shots in and wandering around Barnes and Noble with $58 in singles.
Thursday is not a good day to become a felon... It's bingo night
She just asked me if I was going to stay the night. I responded "I know that we are upside down".
I just need a big sign that says no more penis please hanging over my head at all times
I told him I wanted to fuck him and he hasn't texted me back in 4 days...am I missing something
We won like $80 last night at the casino, so if we get the Plan B we still have enough to get your basic bitch latte from Dunkin. Calm down.
Randomize
