Did your girl go home? Did she have fun? Can we have our friend back?
I kissed a girl and did not like it. Now I hate Katy Perry even more.
but his dog just died...ill send him an edible arrangement or a 6 pack or something
What. The. Fuck. No, you will not spank me.
That wasn't intended for you, my bad.
so i walk in and shes blowing her vag with a hair dryer. so i asked what she was doing, she said heating up supper.. come eat ;)
i'm so jealous of you right now.
She said i saw her in the study room, waved, disappeared, came back with a coke from god knows where, and slurred "i have a drinking problem but i ate grits"
I just discovered the Reese's pieces and sourdough bread sandwich. No signs of coming down.
it will be an insanely irresponsible summer.the only things i plan on not doing are dying and getting pregnant.and even those are negotiable
I just learned a new drink. Sloppy Ninja. Half Saki Half Nyquil
My text message history should be ashamed of itself right now.
Apparently duct taping your dick to your buttcheks before the first time she goes down on you isn't as funny as projected. She cried because she thought I was a girl the whole time.
We made a pact to go to the nursing home together... that way we could stay high till the bitter end. Do you not remember?
A condom was pulled out of your vagina by a doctor today I do not think you can pull off "closet" hoe anymore
I know you would. And one day, we'll have a moment where i'll verbally assault a stranger for you.
I don’t care that he’s a decade younger. He’s cute and I need a good penising
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