you googled "nude photos of celebrities you wouldn't expect to have nude photos", puked into the beer bong, and then laughed
I spent my night drunkenly staring at a picture of John Stamos. How do you think I feel?
Hey, did you take me to hospital last night?
I'm skyping with my parents and reading Cosmo articles on giving great head. I'm on a roller coaster that only goes up, baby.
So I ripped my crotchless fishnet body suit when my drunk ass tried to crawl through the crotch to put it on.
Did you shave a certain someone in his sleep last night?
Good news. I heard back from the doctor and I don't have a liver problem.
...yet.
All I'm saying is that if you have time for a 20 min shower bj you have time for me
I smell like a skunk, but I'm okay with that.
Would you accept a fantastic blowjob as payment?
Not all of us can be into hot dads. Some of us have to have commitment issues and be into musicians.
I did just chug a pint glass of wine during a solid round of masterbation, so I believe I am ready for bingo.
So we were fooling around last night and suddenly Like A Virgin popped up on his itunes
OMG haha What did he say?
He told me that if I laughed, I would have to leave.
The good news is I woke up fully clothed, on top of my covers, with a half eaten granola bar. So, breakfast was waiting for me and I’m already dressed and ready to go today.
If waffles and beer don't scream "fuck me!" then I don't know what else to do.
Randomize
