my dad wants uyo to call him right now...reverse drunk dialing
At dinner I grabbed his hand and he screamed "mom she just grabbed my penis" the proceeded to shove my hand down his pants! Hello Mr.Dick!
I can't believe I'm wasting this thong on a guy in a sweater vest.
he sent me this 10 second long video of a gorilla eating a banana on my phone. no explanation. I didn't even have his number. just. a gorilla eating a banana.
I got groped on the dancefloor by both grooms. I love gay weddings
I cannot believe he got soft mid fuck. I just hope he bought that horrible impression you did of my dad. I love you though, you came in clutch tonight.
It was the least I could do after throwing up in your purse.
He blacked out at the first bar and passed out at the second...we just carried him to bar three and four and sat him in the lounge chairs, he said we're amazing
I stuck my fake eyelashes to his balls after he passed out.
Turns out the guy I peed on gave me a ride back to my dorm this morning.
You are a god.
yea but i missed the pot and poured the boiling water on my dick. shit hurts. aint nothin easy about that mac
You're still my best friend even though you continue to pass out on random toilets every time you drink
the hole that the tears left- fill it with pizza
I gave him the white girl "you spilled my psl look" and walked away
I just got a snapchat of a flaccid penis with the caption "happy belated valentine's day." What did I do to deserve this
You spilled your drink, and we laughed so hard my boobs popped out of my shirt.
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