you know it is a bad morning when you forget to brush your teeth and eat old gas x in your car because its minty...
no.. I went home. Puking up hot dogs and lemon tart isn't as lovely as it sounds.
Miserable. My projectile vomit just woke me up from a 5.5 hour nap.
Handicvap rails on the toilet atre soooooo fuckin handy right nmow.
We were messing around at his place it was going fine until he said, "I'm going to cum, hand me the shot glass"
don't you dare blame getting arrested on me. you sugested we play the penis game and we all know I'm a strong competitor
Don't. You get on the 18 year old. I'll get on the 38 year old. Together we will bridge 2 decades of cock.
There is blood on my sheets, we apparently used 8 towels, everything in my shower is knocked down. Wut?
Idk I've been drinking all day and they're having me blow shit up. Like dont let the drunk chick play with fire and explosives. Common sense 101. I will fuck something up
Hopefully this dress says "let me rent your house" and not "let me suck your dick for money"
I feel like my dick pic collection should be archived at the Smithsonian
dude, last night I won a real sword and a bottle of vodka in a cards against humanity tournament
He accepted my bet of 5 bucks to bike home completely naked. Never got asked about the 5 bucks, guess he enjoyed it too much
The creeper at the bar just realized we have the same birthday and bought me four beers already. He walked off so I took his change and dashed, i'm bringing the case over now.
A condom was pulled out of your vagina by a doctor today I do not think you can pull off "closet" hoe anymore
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