Say my name once during sex just to fuck with her. Like when it gets rough.
It looked like if robin williams had a vagina
you told me to make out with him to promote the social success of the sorority
And a psychic told me I was pregnant and I am just so over life right now.
As much as I'm all for laying on his living room couch, watching spongebob and having spoon sex, it's becoming a routine.
Look you found him on craigslist. You should be happy that he at least HAS a normal looking dick.
All the alcohol I spilled on myself must have acted as a disinfectant or something. I haven't showered in three days and I still don't have a staph infection from sleeping on the lawn with you.
So I found the perfect "Yeah I gained weight since high school but it went to all the right places" outfit for the reunion this weekend.
So how much of last night are we going to pretend never happened? Enough to stay friends?
If I don't end up being a booty call for Valentine's Day, you wanna go to the movies?
Im gonna take a shit then figure out how to be better at basketball
do I look like a person who has full control of their limbs and existence on this plane of reality
Interesting. All i can really say is humanoid shaped doritos bags melting very slowly
I gave him a BJ in the shower
I just fell and it seemed like a good idea when I was down there
Fuck him. He can bang that skeezer all he wants. Fuck her lawyerness I’m a YouTube star
Randomize
