Listen the way I know if I'm drunk is if I have stage fright in the pisser if I do then I'm not drunk! And I definitely still do right now!
just woke up in the beanbag bin at walmart
grad school is all the worst parts of undergrad, without the binge drinking and bad decisions to make up for it
both roomates are passed out on the floor. I feel like I'm missing out on crucial bonding time by sleeping in my bed.
He introduced himself to me as "the gayest gay who ever gayed." I like him already.
He's had mdma poured down his throat. He's getting huggy.
i woke up the next morning in a pool of blood in my bathroom and a pinata donkeys head in my bed
so much for an anticlimactic 22nd birthday
I caught her walking around with a fake mustache, wearing a sombrero and holding an empty carton of milk. She's a hopeless cause.
I really shouldn't have to tell you to stop banging your lightsaber on everything while we are in college.
had a nice chat with the older gay fellow who works in the bakery at the new vons about vday...we both feel that it's a day of dashed expectations & concerns that we'll have to be cut out of our spanx
Had to lock my cat in the bathroom so I could masturbate in peace.
I think I just read the whole internet. Front to back.
i had to win in rock paper scissors, get called a fat whore, and make two dudes get in a fight so we could call next game on the table and you make zero cups. thanks asshole.
I’m not dating him for his personality. I’m dating him so I can steal his dog.
its not much but to go through all that to ask for half a balls worth of money was so stressful
Randomize
