She punched me in the face after i pulled it out and grabbed my cell phone. Ill be the one hiding in the bushes with one shoe.
I am choosing my outfit based on how fast I can get it off. Please help.
please tell me that the half empty jar of cocktail sauce on the table has nothing to do with my missing seamonkeys
...she's taking her top off and singing songs from Anastasia. I swear to God were solumates.
We've been friends for six months, when do my benefits kick in?
When I look at old family photos I know how jessica simpson feels when she watches dukes of hazzard
Everyone is hammered wasted already...young, old, the dying, babies...we got them all
I've been very busy/drunk lately... Sorry.
The forest. Magic mushrooms. Wind trees leaves sky. That is alll.
I'm in the Wal Mart stall where we found out you weren't pregnant. This is where I'm going to propose to you. I feel like that would be the most romantic
just did a beer bong in the shower while i was taking an actual shower its officially football time
New level of stoned. My Terry's Chocolate Orange didn't 'whack-and-unwrap' so I ate it like an apple.
After it was shut down sean literally made out with four separate girls between the 100 feet to our house. It was a rampage.
She throws back shots like they are NO-THING. I swear, she goes through like five straight tequila shots, does a jello shot, chases with half a hot dog, has a rum and coke, and then takes her shirt off and makes an impromptu bandage out of it for fuckin' Tim who cut himself on the flagpole. I'm going to marry her.
Bootycalls can't go limp that's like against the law
Randomize