i just pooped in tubberware. not a proud day
I woke up with semen in my invisalign. My molars were just marinating in it
I was so high i believed someone when they told me le moyne beat syracuse
I was hidding Easter eggs in CHURCH this morning when one of the older men came up to me and said "I always knew you'd be a bunny just not the Easter kind" ... Our congregation obviously has high hopes for their pastor's daighter
he said I was the best sex he's ever had, handed me a burger king crown and told me to take my walk of shame with pride
I woke up naked this morning there was a baseball bat on the floor the bathroom door knob was removed and the floor was wet. This is why i don't do Tequila shots.
no normal human would even think about making waldo slutty but you
There are beer cans & oyster shells along the side of the road. I belong here
I found them on a couch next to the sidewalk screaming at cars with a megaphone. Kevin chased the mailman with a jello shot.
All I remember is intermittent flashes of being passed out on the side of the road 3 or 4 different times. And telling him to just leave me there and I would walk home in the morning.
It summer and it's getting a lot harder to hide sex bruises from my parents.
First world problems?
The bend and snap? 98% success rate of getting attention. When used appropriately, it has an 83% rate of return on a dinner invitation.
your body is your temple. do you really want a bunch of dicks in your temple?
There's a kid in the back of the class drinking out of a flask. Like what is going on?
NOW HE'S DRINKING OUT OF A HANDLE. WHO IS THIS KID?
He makes bad life choices and drives a wagon, how is that not my type?
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