Is it bad that when I see ugly people make out, I hope he's impotent?
Three 40's of Mickeys, is no excuse to be naked at Baskin Robins.
I bought a fake diamond ring to wear, not only to bars to keep the creeps away, but so that I'll be judged less by the front desk girl at Planned Parenthood
I mean, I don't even call it a hangover anymore. It's just morning.
it's like heaven, but drunker
Just got booked to do a bachelorette party for a polygamist wedding. And notice I only text you to rub things in your face and show you my life shits on yours. Daily.
If it snows I'm just gonna sit at my house in my costume and drink beer by myself all night.
Synchronized big wheels back flips off the second floor roof. Good idea or great idea?
Thing I said while arguing: I want to be single again so that I can have pizza and dick rained down upon me.
Pulling out all the stops on being a lady.
On the way home there was a guy passed out IN the road on Colfax with his pants around his ankles, completely bare assed. If he was dressed as a speed bump, he succeeded.
Is there a polite/non-lush way to ask how alcohol ranks on their list of priorities? Because like idk how to break the ice furreal.
I don't have any soul left to be crushed.
I'm laying in bed cuddling with my teddy bear and eating waffles. I need a fucking boyfriend
No instead we fucked in the elevator.. it was wrong on so many levels..
How tall was the building? Maybe it was only wrong on some of them
You've had it in your mouth, how have you not seen it?
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