i'm 85% sure that if you don't visit me i will do something awkward and potentially dangerous to you in your sleep involving chocolate milk and a sham-wow.
Me liking this guy is the best diet ever. Do I want this cookie...or do I want to get laid.
He's having sex with his gf again. Every thump of his bed against the wall is insulting to our one night stand.
I'm doing lines by myself in the kitchen. I think your outside. yeah that's you. your naked.
diet's not working. come over. i need someone to fuck the hungry out of me.
The look on the dr's face when she asked me the last time i had sex and i responded "like an hour and a half ago" ... priceless
What I'm saying is DOWNGRADE. Like, do you see the caps lock?
I've never seen an uncircumcised penis. I mean in person. I've clearly seen an uncircumcised penis. I have the google.
and then at some point during the night I ended up holding a baby
Why was a baby at a karaoke bar, and were you wasted?
only slightly. thats not the point. it was a cute baby.
Well someone is clearly not winning the parent of the year award here
Your friends are scaring the cats so I'm going to smoke weed with them to call them down.
Also he said my vagina was sculpted by gods so there must be some feelings here.
Did this whole conversation happen while you were shitting?
I may have broke the toilet masturbating. On a positive note the floor is really clean now.
I'm tired, but I'm gonna go with "I watched the debate last night and part of my soul died"
...Just hit my fuck buddy with my car.
Randomize