Crown is evil. It plays hide and seek with my morals
Oh no, it isn't official until she poops.
my mom just poured a water bottle of wine to take my dog on a walk...
I couldn't tell if those girls from the bar were lesbians or just awesome
This morning I proved to myself and all the kids on the playground that I can't puke and drive.
That's the last time I do shots near a campfire.
Apparently, Mom was less-than-happy about us shotgunning beers before we opened presents.
My clothes are covered in blood and I feel like I drank a gallon of elephant cum...it's safe to say I'm hungover
Let's get weird.
It's 10 am...
I'm assuming that means you're not busy...
His hair looked like he was in a bukaki and then got a perm right after
I walked in on him fucking my best friend. I think we've reached the point of following each other on twitter.
He's over here like "remember those pics you sent me a couple years ago? Those were hot." And I'm like "remember talking about what we were gonna name our kids a couple months ago? That was hot." Therein lies the disconnect
Fyi - we're going to be eating those sandwiches in bed when you get home.
Just packed a snack to eat on the way to McDonald's. That stoned.
Oh, do you remember telling everyone you were with that your vagina was angry last night?
Randomize
