It wasn't a wasted relationship. I got road-head in an Escalade. I still keep that with me.
Went to my car this morning. Found a waffle from Waffle House in the front seat. No idea how it got there. So hung over I ate it.
Is it weird that I want your dad to go down on me?
Just checked my recent transactions online. Between the hours of 1 and 3am on September 30th, I went to 7/11 4 times. Unacceptable.
He is in the front yard trying to catch birds out of the air with a fishing net.
St Patricks Day is not the day you decide to have a sober epiphany.
Well... this vagina won't eat itself
I just puked in my non fat yogurt... But it's non fat in hopes that someone wants to eat my vagina
What did he say? I couldn't hear him over the sound of how awesome his beard is.
I just don't know the best way to tell him I think I saw him in a porn. I mean I got off to it, isn't there some level of awkwardness there?
I got really upset at the McDonald's worker. They should serve nuggets 24/7. Apparently 5am is breakfast for some people.
No work today. I woke up and someone had written "Markhot Penis = Party" on my forehead in sharpie. Do you know a Mark?
actually there are like 49038098 people in the bathroom for no reason. Singing My Heart Will Go On and pseudo fighting.
He started to lick a stick of butter and was calling it Jennifer.
I dare you to find another dealer that delivers bud to your home along with deep fried vegan burritos
I've scurried myself in your trunk come find me in the morning
Randomize
