what if I'm pregnant?
smusmorshion
I have a fruit stripe tattoo on my penis. You're the only person I know who chews that gum.
I just realized that two weekends in a row we ended up in a bathroom with two different boys asking us for a threesome. does this happen to everyone?
There's a skateboard on the patio and all the chips are gone. The note on the fridge says 'don't buy cheese'. Stop letting her go outside.
I moved my bed to the living room so when a girl walks in she has to decide right away if shes in or out
note to self: shower sex when you have 7 stitches in your leg is never a good idea. never.
I messaged him asking for his address. He replied with the address then said, "If you're gonna stalk me, I'm the third window on the side and usually get naked around 8am and anytime randomly after 6pm (listen for music).. If you're sending anthrax, I'm 6'2" 225lbs so send a good amount."
You sprinted into the side of a parked car
I haven't been hungover in so long I'm actually looking forward to it
I fucked some frat guy. Then I found my brother after and made him take his shirt off and then I made him tell me he loves me
Indeed. If boner pill commercials have taught us anything, it's the importance of waiting until the moment is right.
Where else would I get life advice?
I tried to order dominos and couldn't but I accidentally placed an order for this morning. I knew I did it last night and was gonna call and cancel this morning but honestly it's coming in 30 minutes and I need it
Your liver needs more exercise - we start training tonight.
I'm all about clean living these days
You started your day with fried chicken and a bloody
... after you woke up in your own urine
I am no longer and illegal Moonshiner. I just made thousands of gallons of incredibly High test alcohol with police watching and waiting for thare couple of jugs so that they can bring home and disinfect their houses with it. I'm fat with money at the moment.
Randomize
