You're completely useless in the revolution.
if he's not good at sex i should be allowed to have sex with someone who is. that's a totally legit statement i think
Don't know whats worst me sharding on her a bit or her believing me when i told her she did it...
The liquor store is having an inventory reduction sale. It would be a sin not to stop and help them out.
And we all know God doesn't like sinners.
Amen.
I want to hold her baby but I'm afraid I'll give it a contact buzz
Your last day of twenties? OK. Then I'll give you til midnight. Then you turn into a pumpkin. A big, 30 year old pumpkin.
I just saw a dude sitting IN a bush, weeping and playing a harmonica. I hope your day is going better than his.
We got to the hotel at 12AM with nothing but a plastic bag of magnum condoms and lube, while wearing glow sticks. The receptionist handed us a bunch of water bottles and said "These are on us.", not even phased by three dudes about to have a threesome. I love this town.
Get my husband this drunk again I will rip off your balls off with my bare hands and then cut them up with a dirty axe like fish bits. Do you understand me? DO YOU UNDERSTAND ME?! See you at breakfast, FUCK FACE. I'll shove that bottle of Jamison so far up your ass you'll still be praying in 2020 you can take a shit! Seriously, you make it hard to be your best friend.
You were sitting in a chair and you said "I just feel like a little fishy, floooooating through the ocean, so pretty"
I have never paid for drugs and I'm sure not going to start today especially on a holiday
He told me that he'd ride his snowmobile from Cincinnati to Toledo in this blizzard just so I could give him head.
I just need to find a good handlebar mustache to sit on until I'm over that beard
If you're doing something that makes your best friend lock you in a bathroom you shouldn't be doing it
I think you know you’ve caught feelings when you’re asking a tinder boy his opinion about your current fuck buddy.
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