Why does it always sting when I'm breaking the seal taking a piss?
b/c u have herpes
No i said "always", not "since 2003" Asshole.
Apparently throwing up on his dick didnt convince him to stay away . . . whats the most indirect way of saying "im just going to continue avoiding you"?
No, I was feeling sad because all of the other girls were like model-skinny. But then I remembered that I had big boobs and went to hit on their boyfriends.
I saw a girl walking around campus with bandages on both her knees. I need to get her number.
i'm sitting in the pool eating chicken pot pie with my little brother's friend. moments like these are the reason i love weed.
is it sad that i can describe this night as "the night that i was sober" and we all know which night it was. like literally one night of sobriety.
can you explain how you are here for one night and now my kitchen table is in 11 pieces..
She said her hobbies include bangin guys on one night stands and then sending them facebook relationship requests the next morning just to freak em out
You know how hard it is to play cool while not drowning and appreciating a pair of butts at the same time?
You're like the Mr. T of my A-team, only less gold jewelry and more pitying of fools.
That's the nicest thing anyone has said to me all day.
He sent a video of him jacking off....class will be awkward tomorrow
Will you fuck me while I eat my burrito though? I'm kind of hungry.
Costco cheesecake and whisky. A night made in heaven
Sometimes i wish my vagina automatically turned itself off when i'm legally drunk.
so he'll eat food out of a dumpster but he won't lick your ass?
Randomize
