I'm like a rollypolly, I only open my legs up when I feel safe.
I don't care if he is my ex... I have the deed to his dick until someone else fucks him. We broke up 2 years ago.... I am still holding that deed!
I'm cooking a can of baked beans on the baseboard heater. It is too early in the semester to be this poor.
bro im too drunk for your spanish code words. did you fuck her or not.
this just proves how much faith i have in "us".. what should we be for halloween..?
You called me 32 times last night just to tell me you felt a heartbeat in your vagina?
That penis will go down in history. It's the Helen of Troy of dicks. I will conquer it and the tale will live on for future generations to learn from
Last awkward moment of 2011: your ex gf grinding on me in front of her husband.
So I craigslisted sugar daddies and I'm pretty sure I found us one if you can pretend to be asian.
max decided it would be a good idea to run down the hall and smack down the exit sign. now we are sitting in the emergency room, and he is wearing the sign as a bracelet
this st patricks day sucks
ill send jameson via bank tube 150+ miles
Girl I love you like I've been drinking all day
Haha ohman remember when I peed in your blender? Gotta love college.
YOU DID WHAT???
The way I see it, there's 2 types of friends. Those you should do drugs with, and those you really,really shouldn't.
I'm on a party bus with a stripper pole with middle aged women who have all started drinking
God bless your soul.
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