Penelope Cruz needs to learn American words.
his penis looked like arnold from hey arnold. it was interesting.
I think the best way to start out any day is to watch 80's music videos. It's like visual wheaties.
he left me a 6 minute video of him peeling a clementine listening to justin bieber
the guy was wearing a viagra shirt, i knew what i got myself into.
still drunk. talking shit to the doc drawing my blood. this has no upside
Oh my god! She wrote the word ''hi'' in HAIR on the shower wall. What the fuck?!
We found her in the fireplace eating dog biscuits.
It's official, I need to start putting my vagina's needs before my own.
Hows the party lookin?
At a live sex show right now. Not sure about the employee party
Yes, he does have a boomerang dick. No matter how many times I throw it away, it keeps coming right back and winds up hitting me in the head.
I just woke up in my locked bathroom. It's 5 PM. What happened?
If it makes you feel any better, I'm eating a block of cheese...
So I'm hiding in my bathroom smoking bowls because my landlords kids came over to visit my dog... My life has reached a new low
I need to stop acting like a porn star that isn't getting paid
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