mom just said that her bf is good in bed. fml.
i am watching a movie about a vagina with teeth and then you sent that to me while im eating sushi.
We sat in your minivan all night in a parking lot pretending we were in the magic school bus going to the sun
Dont you think its a little early in the relationship for sexting?
the majority of my texts from you are at 3 AM & consist of either "I'm drunk", "you're asian", or "bratwurst"
so I made out with a lobbyist last night. im officially a resident of D.C
I'm never telling my kids not to take ecstasy, never. Idk what my mom was thinking.
Evidently I told a girl she should leave the bar because no one wanted to fuck her.
my bowl and the doses are under your mom's passenger seat
repeat: THERE IS LSD AND THC IN YOUR MOM'S CAR. HELP ME HELP US AVOID FELONIES
It got messy; I did a shot of seamonkeys.
Uhh... I think I meant "Be proud, I'm taking shots before my public speaking test." "Coffee and vodka is not good" and "Also, I'm giving blood drunk."
It's blow job season.
The reality is I'm 24 and I have terminal breast cancer. Fuck yeah I'm going have sex with every hot guy I can. What, am I gonna worry about getting an STD or pregnant at this point? If I'm gonna die, I want to have any many big dicks as I can while I'm still able.
YOU'RE CHANGING THE SUBJECT. I CAN BLOW SOMETHING UP OR I CAN TELL HIM YOU LOVE HIM, BUT ONE OF THE TWO IS BOUND TO HAPPEN
The world is a different place when I'm actually having sex
We peed on campus in the middle of the tailgate and then hit on a married cop that asked you to stop touching him
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