im watching my roommate bang this girl. she doesn't look like she's any good, because he has a bored look on his face...
So I'm banging this nun...
Isn't that how all good stories start? I like it already...
News Flash: Turtles are cuter than Jesus.
Congrats on damning at least 10 generations of your offspring to hell with just one text message. Way to start your morning off right.
Sorry I couldn't get my dick out
we just drove by a car that was painted for a grad, it said "you done it!" with a confederate flag bumper sticker next to it. i love kentucky
Yeah I'm about to go down a waterslide that comes out a 2nd story window. I love college.
I'm too tired to go all the way tonight, especially if you're going to quote Katy Perry at me during
Dude if it is ever said "everybody get inside the police helicopter just showed up.". That means it was a successful party.
She said she had a surprise for me and sent me a video of her having sex with some fat dude. It was a mood killer
Apparently she broke up w/ her bf like 3 weeks ago. She actually called me to be her bday hookup cause she's single now. Patience- the virtue that occasionally pays off.
Xanax and full house Tuesday is now Percocet Sunday
I just shook glitter of my birth control packet so I’d say it’s safe to say it was a good weekend
The guy at the liqiour store just said "Wow haven't seen you in awhile, is everything okay?"
After the "sex" was over I dressed as quickly as possible. And then he came over to me stark naked and embraced me. For over a minute. And all I could think was please get your penis off my dress.
He has an 8 pack! HE HAS AN 8 PACK!!!!
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